


Outsider pt. 2

by StarryNighty



Series: Outsider [2]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Black Reader, Black female reader - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-09-23 15:42:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryNighty/pseuds/StarryNighty
Summary: This is PART 2 of Outsider. It opens after the snap.**Intense depiction of non-con/rape, touching, dubious consent - Please! 18+ Only! Do not read this if the subject matter is not your cup of tea. Not all chapters are as heavy. However, there is an underlining current of angst, mentions of trauma, and smut.-Also: I do not condone any behavior that is depicted in this story. No I do not believe canon Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes to behave this way. It's just how I wrote this dark! story which kinda depends on non-canon qualities.Check out some amazing art by Cheeky9274! https://call-me-kayyyyy.tumblr.com/post/190160830927/inspired-by-sapphirescrolls-original-female





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter warning: depression and Angst-ya already know. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story in instances, episodes maybe a better word. I just wanted to show glimpses through time after the Snap.

* * *

The entire world mourned. And it felt formless to her. Like the once vivid and well-defined borders of life and living just blurred together into dull nothingness.The substance that made decisions matter blew away with the dust from the vanished. It was a bleak shift in reality, to exist in this world. Half of all life on Earth had disappeared. Hums, echoes, and voices wearily spoke with hollow admiration for the leftovers. Those who lost their entire family were idolized; they were silently praised for their strength and held up above the rest. While people who still had their entire family was seen as fortunate.

Unlucky was for those who experienced a single loss. Her single loss. Bucky.

_It’s better than losing all of them. It’s just how it worked out. Count your blessings, it could have been worse._

Awenha blinked blankly at the screen. Another round from the news outlets rolled through over-drafted scripts in the wake of the _incident_. The same nondescript images from small towns flashed across. The light mumbles of people weeping through interviews replayed. She yearned not to feel. Awenha shifted on the cushions as she watched, the motions of her foot sent a few food containers to the floor. It was easier to watch than to participate. After waking up in a pile of mess she stared at the screen for a few more minutes. She had to appeal to her spirit to get her ass off the couch, to clean up her mess, and to take a quick shower before Azie awoke.

She gathered up a few bits of trash and walked to the kitchen. As she tossed it in the bin, her ears picked up the distant chime of her phone. Today was different, Awenha's eyes shifted throughout the kitchen and sitting room. The morning sun streamed brilliantly and brightly through the windows indifferent to how she felt. Immediately her heart began to hammer. The last time she saw heard that phone was abroad, it was another time and another lifetime ago before she even knew of the Winter Soldier.

Awenha ran to her room, within minutes she was rummaged through her drawer and retrieved the near-dead phone.

“Hello?” she said breathlessly.

“Awenha, it’s Steve…Rogers.”

She sat on the bed, her heart both dropped and lifted within seconds of hearing his voice.

“We found Thanos. He’s dead. But he destroyed the Stones.” said Steve.

His tone sounded every bit heartbroken as she felt.

“He isn’t coming back..” her voice faded off along with the last of her hope.

Tears pooled in mournful eyes as she looked up to the surface above her. The inner plea of her soul begged for strength, prayed for peace. A sob shook through her and she cupped her mouth, muffling the silent cry.

“Listen, Awenha are you there?” asked Steve, she cleared her throat quickly.

“Yes.” she croaked, and she did not bother to wipe the fresh tears away.

“I didn’t get the chance to talk with him much.” he began. “I would like talk with you though. I’ll be here for you, okay? For you and your little girl.”

Awenha stood to the sound of short stomping that burned the moment into her mind. The long stretch of a shadow on the hall floor took her focus.

"Thank you, Steve," she said quietly when Azie rounded the door with a warm sleepy smile.

“My door is always open.” he added.

Azie's short round legs ran from the entryway and on to Awenha's bed. "Da-dy!" she mumbled and flopped on to Bucky's side of the bed.

“I understand.” She answered, anxiously, her eyes gazed at Azie who smiled up at her. “We might take you up on that offer one day.”

* * *

A few months had passed. Awenha made it a point to go to bed when Azie fell asleep and to arise before her. The house felt like a tomb to her now. So it made the routine easy to want to shut her eyes to the memories that surrounded her. Recollections of the past clung to the photos, the floors and the walls they had built together. It was their work, their home. Now it only served as a painful reminder of him, and all that he meant. Her inner certainty knew that if she did not leave soon she risked her sanity. But Awenha focused the sadness, gave it a sharp edge to cut through the thick spiraling days that stretched in front of her. She was far from well but she did what she could with okay. The world consensus said to move on. And she did that too-painful and unstable as it was; Awenha stood up in it despite the sadness and took care of Azie.

_She carried the sadness with her, the grief did not get easier, and the despair just became part of her life._

And with the new habit came, Ramonda.

The kingly woman graced Awenha's doorstep a few days a week. She brought food, words of wisdom, sometimes her melancholy trailed along after her when she spoke of her son and daughter. But the hope was in her too, Awenha could see it brighten the entirety of her face when she played with Azie.

Today was no different when Awenha answered the door. Ramonda entered with a flurry of harsh words under her breath about the council. Azie ran in and directly went to Ramonda and wrapped her small arms around Ramonda’s knees.

“What will they do?” Awenha asked.

Ramonda shrugged lazily, she began to relax as she hummed and caressed the curls at the top of Azie’s head.

The gray hair on her head defied the smoothness of her skin as she smiled. Carelessly cool brown eyes looked back to Awenha. "I'm not sure I care enough to know," she spoke softly and walked with Azie to sit.

“You know how it works..” Awenha did not want her annoyance to topple out, but it was hard to keep the pitch of her voice steady. “Ramonda there is a power vacuum. You are the closest to-“

She looked back at Awenha with tight brows. "I am no Black Panther," she insisted and picked up Azie as she sat.

"But you are a Queen," Awenha added, her voice still tipped toward irritation and sat opposite of them.

“She is right your highness.” The soulful voice of Okoye cut through their conversation. Awenha turned toward her kitchen to the general entering at the rear door. The signature red and gold armor preceded her appearance and marked her position with the staff she welded.

She walked calmly toward them and stared at Ramonda.

“The emergency council requests your presence.” Okoye turned her tightly composed expression to Awenha. “You as well.”

* * *

In a room off from the throne, elder and younger leaders of the six tribes sat in a circle of stone chairs. Awenha noted the few members who were new to their position, while others retained their leadership after the vanishing. Awenha took a seat just behind Ramonda as she watched the members regard each other. Fear and nervous chatter mumbled throughout the small hall. Her eyes connected with a man in burgundy, D'Kowe, his black bean colored eyes watched her in return. And a small smile formed on his thick lips, the weight of his invasive gaze drew her eyes elsewhere.

Okoye’s grand presence hushed the small crowd as she stepped into the circle her eyes considered every person before she spoke.

"All of you must choose a leader or council equal in leadership to guide our country," she announced.

Okoye continued to watch them as she continued.

"It has been more than six months since the incident and it has impacted our country in ways we never considered. We must not give in to this path of destruction. There must be a clear voice to guide our country."

Her dark eyes commanded the room then fell upon Ramonda who watched the general and held her head a little higher.

“Choose.” She ordered.

“And what of the Black Panther? It is for the descendants of Bashenga.” Spoke Indeza of the Mining Tribe. Smooth red braids gently swayed as she looked to Ramonda and Awenha.

Awenha began to feel a few eyes of the leaders fall upon her.

"But we have an heir of Bashenga amongst us." declared Leader Esho of the Merchant Tribe robed in gold and purpled gestured toward Awenha with a clatter from her bracelets.

A deep rumble of laughter erupted from the far right of the circle and the heads of the leaders one by one looked to him. M’Baku’s chortle faded as he watched Awenha sternly. His body imposed might in his frame as his forearm rested on his thigh.

“The mantel of Black Panther is worn by the mightiest of warriors-” he boastfully began.

"-And is supported by this enclave, M'Baku. But only if worn by an heir of Bashenga." D'Kowe's deep voice cut through sharply. "She is no rightful heir." he argued.

D’Kowe’s eyes slid to Esho. “Or did you forget?”

"Awenha is an heir of Bashenga." Ramonda's soft voice rose above D'Kowe's in a boom and narrowed her eyes at D'Kowe. "You dare to deny her rightful ancestry?"

Awenha desperately wanted to be anywhere else but in this room as she listened. The hushed voices throughout the room and the cutting glances only seem to dominate the burgeoning feeling to run away within her.

“Archaic!” barked Esho whose eyes lingered for a moment on D’Kowe. “T’Challa opened our country, he put us on a path that involved the outside. She is Golden Tribe!”

D’Kowe shook his head slowly, ignored the grumble Esho’s voice, as he looked past Ramonda to Awenha. The feigned gaze of kindness vanished from his face and was replaced with disgust as he spoke.

“She is no true Wakandan. As upheld by our ancestors that no outsider could ever become King or Queen, it applies to this today.” he sneered.

“I cannot claim the throne.” Awenha’s shouted through his contempt. The eyes of the council shot towards her and the thump of her heart shot up as she felt the full power behind their recognition.

"The treaty between Titanis and Wakanda is stipulated that her descendants will not seek kingship. That agreement will last forever. And will remain unbroken as long as Wakanda exists, not the sovereign." She said with confidence and gave D'Kowe a withering glare before she turned her eyes back to Okoye.

"I fully put my support toward her majesty, Queen Ramonda," Awenha added.

Okoye gave her a curt nod before her eyes slid to D’Kowe.

"Constructive suggestions on the direction of leadership are open for discussion, not the validity of the Golden Tribe as it exists today," she spoke at him, though her eyes half-rolled before she struck the floor with her staff. The room darkened and a screen appeared in front of her.

“The red is where our attention is needed most. I ask who will be in charge of delegating everyday tasks. Who will step into this role?”

“Ramonda is the mother of the King. This council will advise her in the endeavor of leadership, and when a time comes to choose a new Black Panther, we too will be here.” M’Baku’s voice resounded through the room as he announced his position in favor of the Golden Tribe.

Soon others agreed and followed his support, even D’Kowe with a reluctant nod. 

Ramonda accepted the position with a bow of respect and she stood up before her advisors.

“Head of security rests with General Okoye, you are to work with the Border Tribe to ensure the safety of our people. But you will also be my advisor to the security beyond our borders.”

A few hours passed for Awenha in silence. She watched the exchanges between the leaders with less than enthusiasm. The moment only served as a reminder that yet again she had little room here. Every muscle in her body felt taught. The squeeze of being trapped once again had her already devising excuses to leave while brandishing her actions for staying this long. She had been too distracted with Bucky to notice. The two of them had created a life here, one where only the three of them seemingly existed. And with Yuki gone as well, she felt even more isolated, a target. But here it was-and she found herself grateful that at least she would not feel bad if she left Wakanda. They did not want her anyway.

The meeting concluded with Ramonda followed closely by Okoye and the Dora Milaje, Awenha watched her go as she breathed a sigh of relief. But from her peripheral vision, the figure of a man dressed in red robes approached. D'Kowe's air of confidence was annoyingly recognizable before she even turned to look at him.

"Are you certain of the Kingship?" his deceptively kind voice was thick as he spoke. Awenha glanced over the haughty upturned brow, and smirk that followed.

"Yes," said Awenha.

The grin grew into a bright smile as he chuckled. "It is well enough, as your child is an outsider as well," said D'Kowe, his eyes full of contempt and Awenha felt the pressure of her blood rush to her head.

“Tell me, how does that work for your family? Living in a country where you are seen as nothing more than an immigrant?” he goaded.

Awenha heard the creek from her jaw as it flexed before she began to speak.

“Would you dare say that to _me_ D’Kowe?” M’Baku bit off brutality as he stepped to her side.

D'Kowe turned to M'Baku. "Ah but your tribe choose to leave and choose to return," D'Kowe said smoothly his hands open in the air. "As much as I dislike it, at least you belong." he droned.

M’Baku hooked his thick thumbs into the bone and wood belt buckle as he spoke. “What bothers you more D’Kowe?” he asked with a smile. “That an outsider sits closer to the throne than you ever will or that you will never sit in it at all?”

D’Kowe’s bright contemptuous smile flattened out into smooth scorn. Awenha felt the wiggle of a smile in the corner of her mouth.

Awenha and M’Baku walked out of the room together and left D’Kowe behind. Her blood cooled with every step she took from him.

"Very disheartening to think there are still those here, in Wakanda, who think of such matters," said M'Baku suddenly breaking the silence between them.

M’Baku strode steadily near her down the hall as he glanced over to her.

"Some people have too much time on their hands." She added and gave him a weak smile.

“Or too little.” He smiled kindly in return then he nudged her lightly with an elbow.

M’Baku’s break in formality while shocking for a warrior, she did welcome the hilarity of the moment. His eyes were jovial, light and refreshing.

“Old habits, they die hard.” she retorted and followed it up with a shrug.

“That they do, Awenha. But you do realize that those people are in the minority?” he asked.

M’Baku stopped as his guard continued to take their spots near him. Awenha turned to him, curious as to what he had to say she looked at him.

“D’Kowe, do you see him being a threat?” he asked.

Awenha lingered on his dark eyes before shifting her gaze down the hall in thought.

"I think we should listen to him.” she looked back up to him. “He regularly speaks his mind and that can be used to our advantage," she said.

She looked back to him with an odd smile.

"You should be on the council as well. Your observations will be noted and heeded," said M'Baku.

Awenha shook her head. “No, no. I want no part of it. Truly, bureaucracy is the last thing I want in my life.” she said assertively.

M'Baku eyes stared at her a moment, perhaps it was a slight surprise muddled in with his crumpled brows.

"I heard you lost the White Wolf, on that day," he said quietly.

At the mention of Bucky, her eyes softened as she watched M’Baku.

“I lost many of my people but not my children or wife. I cannot think of what my life would be without them.” M’Baku’s voice seemed intimate as he spoke, though his tone always naturally carried, Awenha found herself taken in with his kindness.

“Trust in your ability to survive. And if you and your daughter desire company, the Jabari Tribe is open to your family. Do not hesitate.” said M’Baku.

He bowed his head in respect before he excused himself. Awenha stood there for a moment as the back of the great leader receded down the hall. A grimace began to etch into her features when she remembered the name children had given Bucky.

* * *

“How long will you be away?” asked Ramonda.

Awenha closed the case with a snap. She moved to the next and pushed in the last of Azie’s clothes before that one too clicked shut.

“As long as we need.” She said softly.

“But why?” asked Ramonda as she placed her hands on top of Awenha’s. “I never understood this. You’re father and mother would always leave.”

“I can help there.” said Awenha, she pulled Ramonda into a hug. “I think it will help us too.”

“What about Azie…” Ramonda said softly, the hiccup of a sob stopped as she hugged Awenha back.

Ramonda pulled back from the hug. “You can still talk to her every day, “ said Awenha and smiled at Ramonda. “We are on Earth, not the Moon.” she chuckled.

“I better hear from you…” said Ramonda who shook a thin finger at her before she stepped away.

"And do not forget you have a home here," she added.

* * *

Awenha and Azie descended from the talon fighter’s entrance and she took a deep breath of the crisp winter air. They had landed short of the city, in an empty field somewhere between two factories that operated loudly in the distance. She stared at the truck parked a few yards away. The light of the cab clicked on and out stepped a tall man into the shadows of night.

She continued down the ramp a small suitcase in one hand and Azie in the other when the man jogged up to her. Dressed in a thick plaid shirt and brown slacks, Steve Rogers stepped into the light, smooth-faced and calm blue eyes looked down at her.

"’took me up on my offer," asked Steve.

Awenha nodded slightly her gaze falling on the swirls of leaves in the dirt at his feet. “The outreach is understaffed,” she said but then pulled her eyes back up to Steve “-it was a bonus to have a friend here as well.” she added.

Steve’s blue eyes made shadowed in the dark studied her for a moment before he peered into the cabin "I'll get your suitcases." he said.

Awenha began to walk when Steve caught up to her before she got to his truck.

"I got the car seat. You wouldn't believe how many they have these days-nearly bought them all," said Steve, she looked at him, still carrying her bags. The slight smile in the corner of his mouth hung there as he looked straight ahead.

He sat her luggage into the bed of the truck and then ran to open the door to the back cab. "Glad you're here," said Steve.


	2. Apple Pie

_Memories switch around; they play with the mind and can unfold at the funniest of moments. The grand mysteries held deep down in the vast cosmos of the soul could spark and misfire at the drop of a pin. And she fucking cherished those flashbacks. Worn out little tattered bits of nuance she replayed over and over. She did that with the memories of Bucky. Since the moment he vanished in a puff of air, all she did was remember- hold on to everything about him._

_The smell of his skin, woody, and sweat mixed with undiagnosed paranoia would roll over suddenly in the middle of whatever she was doing. And she would bat it away, stuff it down with the rest of him and move on._

_He was gone. She was here._

_She skipped the therapy offered at the outreach. In her opinion, it was well enough left alone. She didn't need it. Besides Awenha was well-passed denial. And settled straight into quiet loathing._

_The anger had arrived with a bang, it came crashing into her beating heart – smacked it and made it beat wild with the fury that she fell in love. She could not look passed the veil of it. Awenha figured, hope was somewhere beyond it but decided to use the silent rage. Most importantly, she would not let it change her. The trick she used was responsibility. Honorable, dutiful parenthood led her through the rapture of these dark days._

Awenha swept a few curls away from her face and hunched Azie on her hip. New York City was certainly different now from when she remembered. It was slow, mellow, and _calm_. The effect both thrilled and disturbed her some days when she passed less than a handful of people. Today was no different. She stepped on to the dirty concrete sidewalk from the subway station. The smell of piss and the sweet odor of rot hit her nose.

She breathed in a shallow sigh as she walked to the nearest semi-clean ally. Stacks of trash became the regular view of the city. Fewer people meant the less likely services could be completed. And it did not stop at garbage. Awenha and Azie were stuck somewhere in the lower East Village due to a mass transit suspension. They ducked into the sticky moist alley where the heavy icy clouds seemed to cling to the stone buildings. It was far colder than Azie had ever experienced so she tucked her purple cool cheeks against her mother’s warm neck.

Awenha quickly held up her bracelet and pulled up a map of the city at her command. The screen came alive with the coordinates of Steve’s apartment in relation to where she stood. She was not too far from Brooklyn, but of course, in this thick concrete jungle, thirty minutes could mean a few hours under the right circumstances. And the clouds rumbled in the distance.

She pushed her bracelet again deactivated the map and connected with her phone.

“Hello?” asked Steve. “Where are ya?”

Awenha shifted Azie in her arms and raised her left wrist to her mouth.

"I'm here. We're on our way," she said with a weak reassuring smile to Azie.

“Okay. I’m almost to the apartment. ‘Meet you there.” said Steve.

Awenha adjusted the pack on her back and looked to the sky. Gray, and threatened rain but she held out with hope to make it there before.

She pushed Azie further into her arms as the two of them ran up the stairs of Steve's stone home. Rain-drenched and furiously frustrated, she pounded on the door and waited. She covered Azie hastily with her favorite blanket in hopes of saving her from nippy soggy clothes.

From within the darkened hallway beyond the front door window came a shadowed figure. He came into focus fast and opened to his waterlogged visitors.

“I didn’t expect it to rain so much!” said Awenha while she tore off the blanket from Azie’s head. “And it’s so cold!” she whined and bent down to place Azie on her feet.

"You're lucky it wasn't snow. The power has been dropping out too," said Steve, he reached for her pack. "It's been getting harder for them to fix it when it happens."

Awenha grabbed up the bottom of her shirt and wrung it out stopped when she saw the amount that dripped out.

“Can we use your bathroom?” she asked.

Steve seemed to stir into action after his eyes shifted between them. “Yes-yes of course.” He began to walk back down the long narrow hall. Awenha and Azie walked carefully, their shoes slipped and squished as they followed. He pointed to the open door at the end.

"The towels are in the corner cabinet." He said. Awenha caught the coveted gaze over her body before he pointed to the wooden box in the corner.

Awenha shut the door. “Thank you!” she called back.

She ignored his wandering eyes. Another thing she pushed back. He was just another man, like the rest, and they rarely hid their desires. Awenha dug into the pack, pulled out an extra suit of clothes for Azie and changed her quickly.

Awenha let Azie go then turned back to the small sink. She pulled her shirt off, and stood in a damp bra and wrung out the thick fabric in the sink. For a minute she lost her thoughts in Azie’s effortless jog in circles, and when she pulled at the toilet paper roll, the jittery excitement seemed to bubble up from her at the smallest of mayhem. Awenha managed a small smile as she gazed at her in the reflection of the mirror. The clunky haze of the day lifted, it seemed to make it apparent that life without Bucky was manageable. Still the bit of anger she connected with his departure tainted the feeling. But she did not negotiate on the accomplishment she felt. She did it, made it through to get them from point A to B even with all the setbacks.

There was a knock on the other side of the smooth wooden door. Azie jumped up and down then sprinted toward the door.

“No-wait!” Awenha shouted she held out her hand and ran to catch her but it was too late. Steve stood on the other side; wide blues stared in shock for a moment before he adverted his eyes to the floor.

He shoved a bundle of clothes out into the bathroom. "I found some sweats, a shirt-not sure if you had-here you go." He managed to mumble and sat the clothes on the floor, Azie ran out of the bathroom, elbowing her way around Steve’s legs.

“She’s fine out here!” said Steve and shut the door behind him.

Awenha closed her eyes. Still standing a few inches from the door she bent over and grabbed up the clothes and held them to her chest. It was just another thing to add to the pile, she reminded her self. She unbuttoned her soaked jeans, pulled them down her thighs. Then the lights went out. Curls swayed as she shook her head and continued to undress in the dark. She craned her head to listen to Azie’s distant stomps through the hall. Just another day, she thought and slipped on the clothes from Steve.

Awenha stepped out of the bathroom, she stretched out the taut shirt around her breasts and pulled on the snug sweats that clung to tight to her hips. The door shut behind her as curious eyes roamed over the art and photography of the hallway. The last of the pale winter light was enough for her to see the hard lines of paint splashed across a canvas, and black and white photos of a time now lost to history. And as she stepped closer to a small wooden frame almost center to the collection she saw a familiar face. A handsome face.

It was Bucky and he stood smiling next to Steve.

The three of them sat quietly in the dimly lit room, dusty yellow light from a few battery lamps, and a candle burning close to the wick in the corner of the room shaded his features. Four hours had passed, Awenha had cooked a dinner of sandwiches and franks while they waited for the power to return. It never did. And now Azie lay lazily upon Awenha and yawned deep in her mother’s lap.

Steve sat across from them in a smooth fabric armchair. It was dim, but she could see his eyes look from Azie to herself. "Uh. I only have one bed." started Steve, even in the yellow light Awenha could see blotchy red patches on his cheeks as he spoke. “I can sleep on the couch. The two of you take the bed.”

Awenha nodded and mouthed the words thank you as she stroked Azie’s back. The rainy day had the girl asleep in a matter of minutes after she ate. Awenha stood and followed Steve upstairs to his room. Her eyes swept over the shadows of the bedroom. Steve placed one of the lamps on the dresser closest to the door as Awenha walked toward the bed. She pulled back the top blanket and sheet, suddenly Steve was there to finish her motions. She laid Azie in the middle of the bed. By the time she turned around Steve had gone. The light shone weakly throughout the room, there were a few photos here too. A large bookcase in the corner next to a wide window and a chair in front of it. She imagined Steve there, reading and looking out that window as a man now at his leisure. 

His back was to her when she entered the kitchen. Steve stood tall at the counter. Her eyes brushed over the straight line from his shoulder to his neck.

"She should be asleep for the night. Thank you for giving up your bed," said Awenha and she sat down at his small kitchen table. “And the clothes.”

Steve looked over to her, his eyes moved over her body as he put up the last plate. A single eyebrow rose as he regarded her.

"Anything. I'm happy to help." his tone was heavy, like he had stood there the whole time mulled over his thoughts and it immediately raised her anxiety.

Steve threw the dishtowel into the sink. She watched him approach with a subdued glance in his direction. He took up space around him she noticed. Not unlike Bucky, but seemed more imposing with his broad-shouldered, straight postured stature. He planted his body in the chair opposite Awenha at the table in front of the darkened window. Piercing blue eyes stared at her for a second then looked to his hands. His lips twitched for a moment before he spoke.

“Nat told me about Berlin.” he began, and the rush of uncertainty bumped up against her unease. “About how she found you…” said Steve, his eyes looked back at her. Awenha shifted in the wooden chair as her eyes fell to the floor.

"I just wanted you to know that. If-if you wanted to talk about it or Buck-“ Steve’s deep voice washed out softly.

“Thank you.” she clipped off in a shaky voice. “You knew him longer.” Awenha sat back in her seat as she spoke and brought her eyes back to Steve.

He clasped his hands on the table. "It was brief-compared to everything else that has happened," said Steve and tightened his grip.

Her eyes looked over the shape of his face. This was Captain America, she thought, the determined, steely-eyed hope for justice. And he looked resentful. “He was still your friend. You stuck your neck out for him-turned your back on the government. I couldn’t imagine you doing that for just anybody.” she watched him shift back in his seat, the pervading gaze of his eyes darkened. Perhaps this is what Bucky had meant. Memories of a picnic beside a goat-hut surfaced and she was taken back to the small comment about Steve. Maybe in Steve, some of that darkness had broken through for good. 

Steve licked the corner of his mouth and sighed. "Bucky didn't deserve what happened to him," he said matter-of-factly. "It wasn't right…”

"No. He didn't," she spoke softly.

Steve turned his head and scanned the kitchen for a moment before he looked back at her. “Was it hard to get to know him?” he asked.

Awenha pushed back a fluffy tangle of curls over her shoulder. She took the rattling within her in stride. "I'm still not sure if I know him." she paused. "-knew him," she added. Something that held back the emotion within her seemed to break. She blinked back the surge of tears and tried to stare blankly at Steve.

Steve’s expression turned to worry. “But they were able to treat him, right?” he asked.

"Yes," she nodded slightly as she spoke, sniffled quickly and continued. "But he needed therapy. He could be closed off, sometimes hot-headed. And I'm not sure if he continued going after-after we were together." she muttered.

Steve leaned back in, his eyes a flurry of confusion, his shoulder hunched over as he stared at her. “Why do you say that?” he asked.

The manic surge returned, it threw her back in the dank cage of the past and left her there. Memories spent in close quarters with Bucky’s shades of darkness moved through her mind. She could not speak on it. Not now. Steve’s eyes stared into her for an answer.

"Suffering can manifest in many ways," she replied.

Steve's eyes dropped to the table. And with them, a bit of the stress edged back and calmed her. Awenha could see him working on a reply as he sat. He tucked his lips in and shifted his eyes to the right before he spoke.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked and turned back up to her, the tear sliding down her face caught his eye.

Awenha felt a quiet heat began to swirl across her skin. Thoughts of the past melted in her mind and blended with the bittersweet passage of time. Steve sat quietly as he waited for an answer she could not articulate.

“Did he?” he implored. He swallowed hard and glanced over the emotion of her eyes.

Memories were large; they could be anything if you thought about them in the right order.

"People are drawn together for different reasons," she said finally.

He squinted as he stared at her and then sat back as he settled into her reply. Awenha glanced away from the table unable to bare the critical suspicion that grew in his eyes.

"No. He never-Bucky loved me, he loved our life," she said quickly.

Steve did not speak after that. Awenha shifted her eyes back to him. He was watching her and then suddenly looked off into the distance in thought.

He never hurt her. Awenha remembered the first time he smiled at her at D’Tri’s. How the depth of his gaze shook the foundation of her boundaries. He had unarmed her with his closeness. Invaded her space with his presence and never took it for granted what he had. She sank into the memories of his tender touches, his light sigh of comfort when he wrapped his arm around her. But the moments of the dream-world were the most precious though. At least there she felt him entirely. His intentions were rooted in belonging, love and hope-what she too needed.

And then there were the dark moments between them. The hushed little pockets of a secret life were her favorite.

That heat from earlier burned in her chest. As shameful as they made her body react. She did not want to remember those. But they pushed their way around the well-sculpted beacon of the past she had built. The sharp details of his eyes as he took her were part of her now. The hold on her neck never failed to tighten the clench between willing thighs. And if she struggled, she lied to herself too that resisting made a difference in how she accepted his love. His controlled embrace was her freedom. He opened up the wounds inside her, laid them bare for her to heal them all over again. And each time, it was easier to accept them-haunted and bruised as they were she felt stronger because of it.

No. He didn’t hurt her, she reminded. He loved her.

* * *

The outreach was a departure from the technology Awenha was used to. Easily a few decades old, and it showed. Even after the renovation, to Awenha, it still smelled of the plaster, roaches, and rats it sat with until it was reclaimed. The old apartment building was sectioned off into floors of five, technology and engineering, social services, science and information, and mathematics. The rest of the floors housed the volunteers from Wakanda that traveled to New York to head their respective departments. After the incident, most of the staff remained-most returned home in light of vanished family members. And a few returned to continue the work their late King enacted.

Awenha arrived on the tech and engineering floor earlier than expected. Curls spilled around a loosely held bun at the back of her head. She shuffled paperwork in one arm and a coffee in the other as she approached the new lab.

It was not her first day, but it might as well have. About a dozen new faces greeted her as she entered. She moved passed the students as they gathered around the eager instructor as he pointed to the top spiral of a model. Awenha’s eyes focused toward the door of her lab it swished opened automatically as the sensor read the beads on her wrist.

Brown eyes glanced at the project she shipped from Wakanda before sitting the paperwork on the desk in the corner.

The door slid open again, in stepped the timid figure of T’nara. Anxious, round eyes met Awenha when she looked up. "You-you forgot to send out the order last night," she said quietly.

“Are you okay?” asked Awenha, she noticed the woman seemed far more nervous than usual.

T’nara rubbed at the surface of her left hand that was still healing. “I should have been more careful.”

Awenha remembered the day a few weeks ago when T’nara started up the newly designed model. It had backfired on her sending her almost crashing out the window. She had not been the same since and moved through the department tediously nervous about safety.

“We all take risks, T’nara.” said Awenha then reached into a drawer and pulled out the documents.

The woman approached slowly and took the papers from Awenha. She smiled in the corner of her mouth. "I know. I-I wanted it to be right," she added.

“Take better precautions next time, okay? Don’t stop because you got a little singed.” Awenha returned the smile and watched the woman nod before she walked out of the lab.

Awenha turned back to the machine she had been working on. The daunting task to finish the inner core was upon her. But she held off and sat back down as she set herself to conquer the programming first. Suddenly the quickening of her heart began to hammer in her chest. She had left Azie with a sitter, Wakandan and while fully capable she could not shake the feeling of worry.

Awenha pulled a bead off her bracelet and held it up. The image of a bright-eyed toddler's face filled the screen that popped out of the bead. It was from an angle below, somewhere off-screen Azie played with a toy. Awenha’s heart still thumped but the surge in her nerves began to subside a bit. _What would she do without her_, a worried mind clung to the what-ifs. She stared at Azie a moment longer then deactivated it, shoving the bead back into the lineup on her wrist. She looked back down at the desk, the work in front of her began to fill her mind instead. She sat down and got to work.

Four hours and the beginnings of a throb in her temple later she was eyeball-deep in numbers when her phone rang. Awenha sat back in the chair as she pulled up the screen. It was Steve.

"It's Steve," he said, Awenha still got a kick out him not recognizing caller identification.

“Yes?”

There was a loud pop and a bit of static in the distance on his end.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“Uh.” There was a long pause along with another loud bang. “Just finished up in Belize. Heading home now.”

Awenha rolled a pen between her finger and the desk. She wondered where the conversation was headed. “Sounds like fun?” she said.

“When I get back-Do. Will you be hungry later?” he asked.

A smile cracked her lips. "Yes. Usually, at the end of the day, I am a bit hungry." she chuckled.

“Azie and I will be home around six. Why don't you stop by," she added.

He hung up with a flurry of _yes’s_ and _of course’s_ before she could say goodbye. Awenha sat back, the smile lingered around her eyes.

It was blustery outside. It had been a while since she felt cold cut through her like this. She hurried down the street with Azie buddle up and in tow. Steve was already standing outside her home when she walked up. He was clean, well dressed in slacks, a simple white button-up, and brown leather jack. Hair still moist clung together in swooped back clumps. He greeted them with an easy light smile.

The three of them entered the home with a clatter from Azie as Awenha managed to get the girl out of her jacket before she tore from her arms. The little girl ran immediately to the left and straight away buried herself in a chest of toys.

They were third-generation owners and the state of the décor reflected it. Art from Wakanda was prominent, ceremonial masks, statues, and god idols peppered the walls and spaces on shelves. Much like her father’s lab, stakes of paper sat in bookshelves full of books that had not been cracked in decades. But Awenha noticed Steve settled his focus around old photos in the living room, his eyes lit up.

She moved closer, it was a photo of a young dark woman dressed in 40's attire she smiled brightly with a hand pointed in the air. Above her, the words Minton's Playhouse stretched across a gray canopy.

“’Gotta be related," said Steve as he turned to her. "She has a wonderful smile." 

Something deep, maybe a connection to his life back then and now as he stared at her, she grinned at him. It was warm, and genuine to her surprise. Awenha glanced at the black and white photo once more. N’Juri was a beauty. Tall, thick legged and shimmering skin, she looked like an old Hollywood starlet.

"My grandmother," she replied.

A bang came from behind, Awenha’s smile faltered when she turned to inspect what Azie was up to. Her eyes fell on the girl and the mess she was making as she dug through the box.

"I'm going to start dinner," she muttered and walked from the room.

Awenha fiddled with the temperature, the digital panel beeped repeatedly as she mashed the buttons. “This is ridiculous..it’s too hot” she hissed under her breath.

"Can't believe I know how to work this and you don't," said Steve. Awenha looked back at him the half-smile jerked when he began to take over. "Temperature here, then the mode here," he said, and stared at the panel proudly.

Awenha shoved the pan of sliced ham, asparagus, and tri-colored bell pepper into the oven.

“Thank you- it shouldn’t take long the ham just needs to get hot.”

She dumped a crumbly pile of dough on the counter. A sharp banging from the other room stuttered Awenha’s movements as she whirled around.

“I got it..” said Steve, she turned to him then glanced at the pile of dough. “Pie crust?” asked Steve.

She nodded as she stepped back then turned to check on Azie. “Yes!” she called over her shoulder.

Azie had completely dismantled an entire book down to its spine and had her eyes on the next when Awenha scooped her up. She returned to the kitchen and sat her in the tall high chair then scooted a bowl of chopped peaches in front of her.

“An apple pie I hope?” asked Steve.

“Yes. Azie loves apples,” said Awenha, her quick steps slowed as she laid eyes on the dough.

"-- Oh," she said and stared down at the dough. Steve had mashed it into submission.

"Oh, no.,"

“I think I got it,” he gave it another pat as he spoke then shook his hands over it.

He turned to her his fingers splayed with dough dangling from them in chunks. "You killed the hell out of it Steve," she replied.

Her eyes swept over the smudge of flour on his cheek, the butter-flour mixture spread across the fabric of his waist. "It’s dead.” she laughed.

Awenha stepped nearer and began to unbutton his sleeves, she rolled up one then motioned him to return to the counter as she tucked over the other arm. In her haste, she nudged him in the side. The vibration of a laugh followed by a cough had her eyes pulled back to his face. A sheepish grin curled at the rim of his lips.

“Sorry..didn’t know Cap USA had ticklish ribs," said Awenha and began to pick the dough from his fingers. 

She lightly held his wrist then with her other hand gently pulled the dough to the tip of his fingers and flicked it away below.

Awenha’s thoughts drifted off with the task at hand. Her mind was buried in ideas of what to make of the pile of dough Steve had created. She had not realized the quick rise and fall of his chest. As she moved to the next hand leaning further in to reach it she caught his gaze out of the corner of her eye.

He was not looking at her face; his gaze had a rhythm to it, gently his focus caressed back and forth over the curve of her neck. He tilted his head and to look down her back and still further.

She plucked the last of the dough from his fingers faster than she had done with his other hand. Already his peculiar gaze was threading heat up her neck. She conceded to the effect, chalked it up to concern on his part and crumbled the dough on to a pile of saucy apples.

Steve stayed well passed desert. The three of them sat at the table, the pair of them made light conversation. Awenha kept her mind from wandering to Bucky. The thoughts of him sitting here with them only made it worse. But she listened to Steve, smiled when he smiled, chided in at the end of his stories at the table. He had trapped the bad guys, saved a few people, and then drew some sketches on the way home. And she was grateful he was here. And even happier that he never mentioned Bucky. The man stayed with her anyways and always from the moment she woke until she fell asleep. So tonight was a peaceful break in the monotony of her thoughts.

The trio sat in the living room, dim from a single lamp in the corner of the room. Azie laid asleep, huddled snugly in between two small pillows on the couch and on the other end sat Steve. He had his arms, long and sprawled over the back of the couch and down the arm. Awenha stood up from the chair closest to Azie and sat in the fluffy armchair next to him. 

"You know family comes in all shapes and sizes," said Steve, while she hummed back approvingly. Their quiet conversation carried naturally between them.

“Sometimes you just have to find a better way of moving on.” he continued and as he spoke his eyes shifted from her face to the blanket she fiddled with between her fingers.

"I'm doing the best I can -with what I have, Steve." The nod from him was short, had almost gone unnoticed if he had not looked back to her eyes.

“I’m luckier than most. I have something precious...” said Awenha and her eyes moved to the little mound next to Steve.

"Well, you don't have to do it alone," he sat forward resting his forearms on his knees. His entire body appeared to grow wider when he leaned in.

The heavy hooded eyes stared back at her. They seemed to come alive as he watched her. And she felt tied to his gaze. 

“There are others who have it worse than me," she said in a hush. "What right do I have to complain?" she shrugged barely.

Steve’s eyes moved down to her lips and put his hand over her fidgety fingers. His palm was hot and it halted her motions. "Complain all you want. In the end it's about accepting."

She couldn’t deal with the profound weight he held in his eyes when he looked back at her. So she thought on the fly, that maybe if she played into the advice he would stop.

"Well you're here aren't you?" Awenha said and deflected with a soft smile.

Steve did not smile back. The harden battle-ready persona slipped. And for several seconds two velvety blue eyes caressed the shape of her face.

"I am," he said.


	3. Photo

March 2019

Steve carried a big floppy stuffed dog under his arm. Warm spring air gusted around him as he strode. And with it, the cloud of loss didn't hang over his head so heavily today. The reality of their failure stayed with him but he didn’t let the shame cramp his inherit faith. He had something better. An ample supply of hope. It was far more than what most had these days. So he refused to be rattled. He used hope in its raw, concentrated form to hone in on his determined ideas about family.

And Awenha was his family. She was his brother’s wife and now his widow. That made her his responsibility. As old fashioned, and redundant as that sounded to him, Steve had already decided to stay connected. He’d made up his mind that he would be damned to leave her out in the world without him.

He was a stone-cold family man when given the chance. He liked doting. Accepted the role to help out with repairs. Took Azie out sometimes. He just wanted to be there and he couldn’t get enough. Their happiness meant that maybe some of that deep emotional pain he lived with would dull. And he thrived in the feeling of unity. Or community, he didn't know or even cared which. He just knew the strength of the bond between them grew every day. 

Bucky had everything Steve ever wanted. And boy, did she love Bucky.

Steve got the gist of it after the first conversation. She felt him deep. Like Bucky was still there inside of her, kicking around her heart and sitting on her soul. And he saw the pain cross her face when asked about the hurt Bucky imposed. Steve knew he had to have done it. All that brainwashing and trauma does things to a man. Heart-racing, terrible things.

But like a lover wrapped in devotion, she stood up for him. He could respect that. 

Wi-fi and smartphones changed how the world interacted. To Steve that didn’t matter much. Innovation doesn’t change human motives, not the core ones, at least. And especially not when thrown into the deep end of emotional turmoil and left to tread water. She stuck up for Bucky. Maybe that meant she was a bit askew too. Bent or twisted toward wants that she'd rather not speak about. Even if she didn't say so, he could see it.

He could identify what she was easily. Because he was that too. Heartbroken.

The nights and days he spent pouring over all those missed opportunities into that compass seemed foreign to him now. Peggy’s beautiful face in the faded newspaper clipping still stayed with him. She was his loved ghostly gray muse of lost possibilities. But this was the beginning of something. A chance perhaps to find some of that life Tony was always talking about. And he wouldn't miss it again.

Steve took the stairs to her building two at a time. He knocked and then looked down the street. It smelled better here. Looked better also, much better than his neighborhood. His eyes brushed over the lack of trash, a few flower pots dotted the street.

Before he could wonder how they accomplished it the door opened.

Awenha stood there in a little off the shoulder blue sundress. The color made her skin stand out. The cut of it outlined the deep plush curves he liked to admire. And all those honey and black colored curls flowed behind her as she looked up at him. Heart thumping brown eyes swooped up friendly. Her eyes landed on the stuffed dog.

"She's going to love that," said Awenha.

Azie sprinted toward him. Eyes dancing over the toy dog he handed it over. "Happy birthday sweetie," he said with a smile. It was bigger than her but she dragged it back down the hallway from where she had run.

“Steeb! Stee!” her voice carried back to them. Steve turned back to Awenha, the smile carried to his eyes he didn’t miss the soft brush on his arm as she turned away.

Awenha walked into the kitchen where he could smell food. He easily felt at home here. Tapestries hung on the walls, books were stuffed everywhere, stone carved idols of panthers and lions took up an entire shelf. It was neatly chaotic, homely and loved. Steve could get used to this. He didn't mind the clutter, family relics made it fell worn in. Like a good pair of boots.

But his eyes were not on old statues. Steve carried a small leather satchel as he followed her sway. He sat it on the table and stared at the swish of her hips. He hooked a thumb into a belt loop of his jeans. She was barefoot and his eyes fixed on her ankles and up to the curve of heart-shaped calves. Abruptly, his thoughts turned to Bucky as she reached for some napkins. Steve wondered if his friend would have appreciated this view.

“Still going up to the roof?” he asked, still watching her closely to make sure she didn’t notice.

“Yup. Just packing this case.” She mumbled something else Steve did not hear. His heart raced as his brain pulled him back to what it meant to have a family. He stared down at the satchel for a moment.

“-you can take her up now.” she said and sat a small square tray with tall walls on the table. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Steve did as he was told. He didn’t mind mama giving him a task to do. As long as she remembered who it was she asked.

He roped in Azie with the promise of play and the two of them ascended three flights of stairs. The door to the roof popped open, the girl pushed passed him into what only he could call an oasis.

And the smell of fresh soil and flowers invited him to step in. He unloaded the tray and his satchel on the small table and looked around. A garden of green blazed through the dreary image of the world outside this patio. It was decades of work, had to be he thought as his eyes scanned the lush surroundings. Buckets full of flowers, lattices woven with vines so thick he couldn’t see through them.

But then Steve’s vision filled with Awenha when she approached with a smile. She had yet to let his spirit down. Even when he felt unsure about his place here, he only had to look into her eyes. She never hid from him. Her emotions stayed at the surface of those clear brown eyes.

After lunch, they sat together under the bright sunshine. Azie bounced in Awenha's lap as she played with a few toys on the table's surface. Steve had pulled out a worn sketch pad from his old satchel. His discerning blue eyes studied them closely as his right hand moved along the paper. Sometimes he gazed at her, longer than he needed. Mostly he did it to take in the shape of her face in order to capture the moment. But really, he simply liked to study her.

“Can I see it?” she asked. Steve closed the pad and stuffed it back into his satchel. He sat back without a smile as he considered her.

A bashful grin filled her lips and swept over her expression. He enjoyed the effect.

With one hand he pulled out a wrapped flat gift. "I do have something for you," said Steve and passed it across the small table.

Awenha held it in her hands for a moment before she tore through the wrapping. It was a frame and within it a black and white photo.

A hint of a satisfied smile began at the corner of his lips as he watched her.

“Is-it’s Bucky.” she said softly and looked back at Steve.

Her eyes gazed at him. And they were beautiful but distant.

"He's about 14," said Steve.

He got up from the table, Azie jumped out of Awenha’s lap and picked up the leg of her great big stuffed dog and tried to swing it around. He sat down to the right of Awenha, close enough to smell something sweet and near enough to feel the sun kissed warmth of her skin. He swung an arm over the back of her chair as he stared at the photo in her hands.

“Azie looks like him.” Her voice was small, and she stroked an outline around his image.

Steve’s eyes moved over her arms, lingered around the shadow of cleavage at the rim of her top. He could see the slow rise and fall of her chest. Still further up he stared at her face. He focused on her eyes. He filled his lungs with the smell of her. He saw love there.

Steve thought back to the last conversation he had with Bucky. Even on the cusp of battle, the man had managed to shake his nerves a bit more. He remembered how unsettled he had felt. The realization of who the mother of Bucky's child was smacked against his core morals. It was crazed, odd, and disturbing.

But watching her forlorn, tender gaze roam over the photo he understood. Those brave baby steps he knew that were needed to move forward were all over her face. There was a connection there. The sweet little long lost fix of love in her eyes took Steve in. It held him close to the warm fictitious memories of what could have been between him and Peggy. They were his way of finding purpose. Like her, he just wanted to become whole again.

Steve continued to stare at her longing focus upon the photo. Bucky had done well, he thought. Maybe some of what made him worthy of her attention would rub off. Steve appreciated the appeal of her. She was authentic in her love for Bucky. He could only imagine what that felt like to be the sole thought in her mind. The fierceness of adoration showed in her eyes and how she spoke about him.

And from someplace in the reckless space of his mind, Steve began to imagine her loving focus toward him. A dream where she wanted him as much as she needed Bucky. The deep-down pangs of belonging pulled his eyes back to the photo. He would take care of her, Steve promised. 

She was his family.


	4. M'Dears Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst -

Every single time Azie hit the metal runner at the bottom of the desk it rang in Awenha’s head. The beat behind her eyes matched the strike of the bang. Irritated and running low on patience, she walked over and yanked the plastic flute Azie used as a drum stick from her hands. 

Immediately tears burst from her large brown eyes. The sadden frown followed howling fierce screams that snowballed into a fit of anger on the laboratory floor.

Awenha took a deep breath and stepped away wrenching her head back and forth to sooth the building tension in her shoulders. She sat on the stool in front of her desk. Another breath and she leaned her body against it, elbows propped up to her face buried into hot hands.

She was so close to finishing the project. Only a few more variables hung between completing the damn thing. The sitter had other plans today though and they did not include watching Azie.

The sound of the door swishing pulled her eyes up from sweaty fingers. Azie’s yell faded into a furious mewl as T’nara walked in. Bright eyes looked over to the little girl and when she saw the mess Azie had created her brows rose in surprise.

"There's a man here. Said his name was Steve," she uttered and walked toward the scattered papers and crayons.

The stool squeaked when she stood and gave a fervent glance at T’nara who attempted to pick up after Azie.

The door slid open, her eyes grazed above the tops of student’s heads. Standing tall among the slouched hopeful scientists stood Steve in a baseball cap. Their eyes connected across the space of the room. Awenha waited, and watched the woman nearest to her as she cured metal in acid liquid. Steve was there in front of her before she looked back up. Big blue eyes narrowed on her, they appeared light, amused, -flirty.

She smiled nonplussed back at him then turned back to the laboratory. The cranky weeping shut off quick as Azie ran into Steve’s open arms. He swept her up like she was light as a feather into his hug. Awenha tilted her head a bit her mouth parted slightly, taken back by the scene.

"She needed a Stevie hug.," he said, his dark brows scrunched together poignantly.

She straightened up. Pushed back the jealous pit growing in her chest. Her eyes glanced at the project in the corner of the room then back to Steve who held Azie.

"I would have been finished with this soon," said Awenha. She couldn't bear to keep watching her daughter in the arms of a man that was not her father. She walked hard toward the mess, the clickity-clack of wedge heels on the metal floor hung in the air of the lab. And her lack of motion created a profound awkward silence that followed. She started picking up the rest of Azie’s mess. She turned her eyes back to Steve. Azie had her arms around his neck, he was talking to her softly.

"She just kind of exploded all over everything," said Awenha and pulled her eyes back to the last of the papers. She walked back to her desk, T’nara followed with her pile. Awenha tossed a few crayons from her pockets on top of the stack. T’Nara brushed her arm and with a nod excused herself. “Thank you…” Awenha said softly.

Her eyes turned back to Steve. Azie was sat up in his arm, the little girl played with his hair at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, I didn't even ask you why you were here," she said through a soft nervous laugh.

"I'm just here to see my favorite girls," said Steve and turned his eyes to Awenha.

She glanced at Azie and then held the girl in her focus. She looked happy. And it hurt Awenha’s heart. Her vision blurred, the rims of her eyes felt wet and slid back to Steve.

"There's an ice cream shop that opened a few days ago." began Steve he took a few steps nearer. "Meet us there- by the time we get in you'll be there," he asked.

Awenha flicked between Steve and Azie. He had invested his time in them. He had been the reason in the last few months for her better mood. Steve had been there. And because of his bursts of optimism, she felt able in the mornings. Somehow, he had brought hope in where she resisted it.

She worried her bottom lip, shifted in the spot she stood and dove nervous hands into her lab coat pockets.

"Thirty minutes," she said.

“Thirty minutes.” he echoed.

True to her word, Awenha strode toward the ice cream shop in the dying light of evening. The bright blue and pink neon sign M’Dears guided her way. She quickly grew nearer, the line was three people deep out the door. So she stood in line behind the short grandma with a bag of fruit hanging off her shoulder. Awenha’s eyes surveyed inside the crowded little square doo-wop decorated shop. In the far corner, her eyes landed on Steve who had Azie on the inside seat. He handed her a small spoon but she planted her mouth over the large mound of ice cream in front of her instead. She was covered in it. Steve wiped at her mouth as she looked back up at him with a sticky chocolaty smile.

Awenha smiled right along with her.

Steve leaned in and pecked her on the head, he wiped some more of it away while she tried to feed him some of her scoops. Awenha’s smile slumped and then shrank into a flat frown.

_That was Bucky’s job_.

_But he wasn’t here anymore_.

Unlike anything else she had experienced since Bucky's death. A great pit of shame and melancholy bubbled up from within and surfaced as tears. Blurred eyes fell to the window seal in front of her. She muddled through her emotions. Awenha knew Steve could never replace Bucky. And yet, she was a little girl without her father. And Steve seemed to fit in and willingly slip into the role. As terrifying as it felt, she grew more and more hopeful. Unconsciously she wiped at the tears and pulled her eyes back to Steve and Azie.

Awenha made it through the line faster than she thought. She joined them in the corner, her eyes fell on Azie. She was a mess, but a happy mess because of Steve. Awenha sat in front of her two scoops of mint chocolate ice cream then looked at Steve.

“’You okay?” he asked.

"Just a weird day," she said then smiled lightly. "You're good with her."

“She doesn’t make it easy.” Steve struggled with Azie as she grabbed for his cone. He shook his head and laughed giving in fast to her grip. “Reminds me of Bucky.”

She felt the smile on her lips grow. A small foreign giggle rattled within. Azie was happy. Awenha thought perhaps she could be happy too.

“How many scoops did she have?” she asked.

“Three. Two chocolate then my second scoop.”

“She’s enjoying it.” she insisted.

Steve handed her the butt of his cone. She chopped down crumbling it to bits.

* * *

New Years Eve

The city was quiet. It was almost too much for Awenha to handle so she tapped her finger in an offbeat rap upon the stone wall of Steve's roof. The light lopsided thump became the background to her thoughts. She looked out on to the skyline. It had snowed a few days ago. A stretch of blistery cold temperatures followed and dusted the moisture left in the air into an icy hazy fog. 

Steve shifted and bumped up against her. He blocked some of the cold as he turned inward to his side and rested his hand on top of the stone wall. Awenha glanced at his phone on the wide rail. A handful of minutes were left of 2019.

She had almost known Steve as long as she knew Bucky. The moment didn't escape her that she now stood with him and not with Bucky. Like Steve's determination, she was unapologetically aware she would never give up the memories of Bucky. And nobody asked her to do so, especially Steve. He only ever appeared open to her thoughts, and absorbed the little details she let him have. She held back and he let her. She was grateful. She didn't want to pile her baggage on him anyway. He seemed to have too much of his own.

She felt him come nearer, the warmth of his body mixed with the few shots she had down in the kitchen and she continued to search the skies.

"Peggy sounds like one hell of a woman," Awenha said softly, little puffs of breath hung around her mouth when she turned her head to look at Steve. He too was looking out on the city, his eyes narrowed in pain, maybe heartache she thought, as Steve sipped on his beer. "Beautiful. And she was dangerous," he said after he swallowed.

“Was she a spy?” she asked. Steve seemed to rouse from his thoughts and looked down at her.

“A soldier. A spy, sometimes a weapon if she needed to be," he said.

“What happened?”

Steve shifted his weight, looked back at the frigid foggy skyline. “A bad guy and seventy years later.”

His eyes dropped to the phone. “I wish I would have told her how I felt. Only had time for a kiss.” a smile of regret formed on his lips as he spoke.

He leaned the hand with the beer in it against the stone balcony. The phone buzzed, she stopped drumming, the new year was here. City lights, lit pale across his face, Awenha saw the deep feelings of loneliness pass over his eyes. Suddenly the flash of red, blue, and yellow flashed over his features. Awenha jerked her head toward the starry fire crawling into the dark sky. It exploded in the distance with a pop echoing off the rocky surfaces of the city. Another shot into the sky, then another, and soon a dozen more.

The warmth of lips pressed against her right cheek. The lips lingered there far longer than a few seconds. As soon as she felt the chilly air replace the heat of his mouth she looked up at him.

"Happy New Year," said Steve.


	5. Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: angst, heavy petting.

May 2020

Hot days came upon the city fast. It dried up the last of spring. The only puddles to be found was the sweat at the back of her knees. Awenha pulled hard against the hose leading into the compressor. N'Juri's design no doubt, fitted with outdated tech the air conditioner ground to a shuttering stop. With her ass dangling between two boards and out through the access hole in her closet she tugged another time.

_“I-I just want my dog back!”_ wept a woman as sobs overtook her. Awenha halted the wrenching, turned her head, sweat dripped into her eyes and listened.

_"Oh God! Where is my Pookie!"_ she whimpered. The woman continued to wail in the distance but grew steadily louder, and shriller.

Awenha shimmied out of the space and landed at the bottom of the wood floor closet on her feet.

_“Tonight! The haunting and riveting tale of an owner torn from her beloved pet by the Blip!”_

Her mood shifted sharply into annoyance as she jogged down the stairs, hit the landing and rounded the corner to the living room. Today was the second anniversary. The day of all days.

_“What are they good for, eh? Shitting on my city-freakin’ ALIENS?!”_ yelled a gravelly old voice.

Azie stood there mashing and slashing the remote into the air.

She grabbed for it, Azie ducked and tried to run but Awenha snatched it from her hands. _“Those damned Avengers-“_ she clicked mute.

She glanced toward Azie's receding stomps to the next room. But the image of a concert filled the screen turning her eyes back to the t.v. The come-back songstress shook her hips on the stage, it was the performance of her life. Adored by all she disappeared into ashes along with more than half her audience. The shaky videos of the aftermath splashed across the screen one after the other of frightened people beginning to run. The crowds overcame the barricades, crushing the people in the front. The death toll rolled at the bottom. Awenha clicked the television off.

She sat the remote high on a shelf, wiped off the sweat from her neck. She picked up toys and pillows thrown off the couch along her way to the kitchen. Only by the grace of her work ethic was she able to focus and clean her house through the day and had up till now avoided the reminders.

The day he disappeared always came back anyway. Sometimes she welcomed the memory, let it fuck her up some more to remind her she still had a grounding in reality. But she felt her weight today. Sad but focused. Even now she faced with the emotional turmoil of remembering his beautiful smile. She couldn’t avoid triggers, and apart of her didn’t want to. But today, it felt okay to remember without the tears, just the heartache.

She moved a few of Azie's wild scribbles from the table. Within the far seat nearest to the window, the seat nobody used was Steve's leather brown jacket. Awenha collected it up, the smell of aftershave and exhaust filled her nose as she rolled it in her hands and stared at it. A few days, maybe a week had passed by without a word from him. And she was starting to miss those damn magnetic indigo eyes and the deep rumble of charisma that dripped from his voice.

Steve, would know better than anybody what this day meant.

He had not called. And he had not dropped by.

Awenha pulled her eyes to the window in time to see a couple of kids run across a bare street. Bucky would not have left him alone today, she thought.

And neither would she.

+

Before she even reached the tops of the steps she heard singing. It was raw, a deep brass crooning that emoted passion, longing, and intensity.

_“…little too long. I don’t want to stop now.”_

It was as loud as the television Azie had maxed out. She felt the rattle of bass in her chest when she slipped passed the unlocked door.

Middle of the day and it was dark inside Steve Rogers’ home.

Awenha walked right and directly to the closed turntable. On top of it sat his phone she clicked the side to turn down the volume while the words Otis scrolled across the screen. It smelled funny where she stood. The odor of rubbing alcohol and apricot jelly lingered in the air. On the window seal next to the wooden center was a small flask. Markings she did not recognize swirled all over it in gold and black stone.

She lifted it to her nose and within one breath it was taken away. It smelled like it could have killed an elephant.

Loud bangs and shuffles from above pulled her eyes up.

“Steve?” she called out.

Awenha put the flask back at the window and started toward the stairs. She got to the second when she heard a moan, a dull mournful drone.

The door to his room at the top of the stairs was shut. She strained her eyes to the right to peer down the short dark hall. A small bit of white light from a bulb glowed around the corner of the bathroom door. She got to the top and walked down the dim hall toward it.

“Steve?” she called again, though more quiet and pointed.

It was weird. The whole situation down to the weepy music, the darkened house- it wasn’t Steve. Every hair on her arms felt like it stood up when she knocked on the door. She prayed that he was in there, and then became consciously aware that perhaps a bad guy was here.

So stupid.

Thirty seconds afterward she turned quickly and smashed right into a fleshy brick wall.

“Fu-!” she shrieked.

She bounced off him and into the wall. Heart pounding in her chest she grasped the top of her shirt hoping her heart wouldn’t fall out her ass.

“--you scared-“ she began Steve stood there lazily watching her.

Something about was off about him, not the normal almost chipper man that she knew. His typical slicked back blonde swoop dangled over his brow. His cheeks were red, so were his lips and his eyes were puffy.

And he was naked except for a pair of gray slacks.

“Are you okay?” she asked and watched him sway a bit when he took a step towards her.

"Wait, are you drunk?" she stood from the wall as she spoke. Steve blinked slowly hooked a thumb in a loophole of his pants. Her eyes flicked down followed the line of sinewy muscle that descended below.

“Asgardian,” he slurred, she pulled her eyes back to his. “Thousand years old..Thor gave it to me awhile back-hat’s a beautiful top.” his fingers reached for her, rubbed the fabric near her breast between his fingers.

She glanced over the tautness of his face. His lips parted, broke down the tightness around his eyes, and pulled into a delirious smile. Whatever he’s thinking, no matter how odd it might be, Awenha shook it off as a drunken mistake.

“Do you need food-I think you need some food.” she half asked and tried to deflect his expression by holding his arm. His skin while smooth warmed to hot under her hand. She encouraged him gently to turn around. “Come on,” she asked like to a child.

He jerked back against her and grabbed for her arms.

“Whoa, okay. But I think you should seriously think about lying down..” she strained under his weight and readjusted her stance.

Steve's face rubbed against her temple, like a lover. "Aren't you tired," he said tenderly into her ear. His hands moved roughly over her arms and wrapped them around her, burying his head into her hair.

"Steve." She tapped him on his arm and then began to shake him loose of his hold.

She straightened her top, eyes stuck to Steve she stepped back. "Okay if you don't want that—I'll go wait downstairs..."

He took up the hallway. He swelled as he breathed. She never remembered him this big. But he stood in her way as if he challenged her to walk away. The smooth beat of her heart began to hammer. Her breath was nothing more than pattered intakes. The crooning of Otis from down below warped in her ears as if she were underwater.

Awenha slinked by him, avoided touching him by pressing the left of her body into the wall. She felt heavy when she walked away. So fucking sunk into what she didn’t know. His dark blues sat in her mind.

The thoughts clamped off when she felt the strength in his arms again. This time more urgent, desperately they clung to her. They were around her, his chest pressed up against her back and his head pressed on to her curls. He walked with her until she slowed. He squeezed her gently, longingly, like he was holding on for his life.

His muscles twitched near her shoulders when his hands moved over her chest. Cradled and confused Awenha let his hands roam.

It was sudden. Intense and taboo. And it felt fucking fantastic.

His skin brushed over the naked skin of her shoulder. He was the warmest of hot. The sensation of tingles crept up her back. He was softer than Bucky, but not by much. Satin heat caressed up her arms. He engulfed her. Swallowed her whole. And for a moment there was no Steve, only Bucky.

"Steve. Steven.." Awenha whispered. She spoke only to shake away the love-starved want. She pulled at his arms. Denied the burning ache in her belly. But he only held her tighter and more forcefully. He wasn't Bucky she reminded, he was his friend. "I love Bucky," she said softly.

“Buck’s not here, Peggy’s not here…” he said quietly, hushed. The inclination in his voice was only a taste, she imagined. A wild and wonderful longing he expressed outward was only the beginning. “We’re here..-we can have each other.”

Steve’s hands rubbed from her arms to her chest dragging fingers and fabric over the tops of her nipples. A sharp intake of breath followed a familiar shiver through her body. The awareness of it ignited nerve endings and shocked her reasoning. She threw her head back against him, and then savored the feeling.

One hand drifted, lost in the fray. She felt his fingers knead around the thick supple part of her stomach. Anticipation and eagerness, she waited. Just a touch was all she needed. And Steve granted her wish, he dove into her want. Able long fingers fell to her cunt. He pressed through the fabric of jeans and her panties; he rubbed in flat circles coveting that spot.

A whiff of the Asgardian sweet bitter alcohol fanned across her neck and up into her nose. Her eyes flew open. Shock and disappointment overtook the compulsion. What was she doing?

He let her wiggle from him. The seesaw motion of her wide ass rocked against the budge in his slacks. With a grunt he let her go.

Awenha started to the stairs again. He pulled his eyes back to her ass. She couldn't leave he thought, not now. Through the drunken dizzy thoughts, Steve followed again, a few steps and caught her at the top of the stairs.

His hands crossed in front of her from behind. He gripped her wrist and jerked Awenha’s forearms across her breasts. Pulling her into his embrace she fell against his chest.

“It’s okay..” he pacified and spoke so softly in her ear that it denied her protest. “It’s just us..”

The stairs receded from her feet. Fuck he felt hard. She felt him pulling her toward his bedroom. The warped and greedy want in her dragged right along. She thought of Bucky. Remembered the sharp squeezes to the throat that never failed to feed the need. She missed him. There was a hole in her now. She longed for the nights of desperate, hedonistic lovemaking that only he could fill.

Steve was not Bucky.

He was soft in his asking. Tender where Bucky never could be. A gentleman, a saint – not like her debased super-soldier.

Panic set in. This was wrong, her mind shouted. He was supposed to be Bucky’s friend.

“I love him!” she shouted and he let her go easily. Awenha turned around, caught her balance on his bedroom door. “He’s gone-“ she shouted. “but it doesn’t mean that-that I can forget him..” she stammered.

Steve stood in front of her, his eyes flickered over her body with unsated lust.

He took a step forward and she stepped back bumping her shoulders against the door. “-never asked you to forget him..” Steve slurred and reached up for her face.

He held her still between hot hands and under a blazing gaze. “Remember him-“ he whispered. “-lemme have some of that love you have for him…”

Steve brushed his lips over her chin. The scrape of his days' beard growth bit across her lips. Pulled her mouth up to his. Then softly he brought in the skin of her bottom lip as he sucked gently. Steve stopped, he waited and looked her in the eyes. She licked her lips, he tasted of sugar and spirits and it sparked a cascade of pleasure. Awenha kissed him back. This time she was his willing participant. She surrendered to his tongue. Became entwined with his sigh. And let him carry her into want with the tender press of his lips.

Steve pulled back with a sharp rasp. “Beautiful…” he stepped into his room as spoke. His eyes traveled over her heaving chest, the curves of her body.

He unbuttoned the top of his slacks and sat on the corner of his bed. He leaned back on his palms. Shaded blues looked over her. He wanted her to follow. Needed her to come to him. But she stood there, aroused and confounded.

She took in the lust in his eyes--the longing for a connection as he held his palm out to her.

She turned her back to him. Took the stairs down to the first floor. Otis was on another restart.

And walked out of Steve’s front door. 


	6. Silver Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: angst

December 2020

The crunch of snow crumbled under her feet. Wisps of cold air whipped dark curls behind her as Awenha strode with Azie in tow. The weather changed from fall to winter within the day. It was late but none the less here. On a whim, Awenha decided to go to the nearest bodega but now found herself cursing the big fluffy snow piles that covered her path. The two of them passed by darkened homes. Vacated by the vanished she suspected. The ghostly homes served as a reminder to others along her way. Brightly and tightly wrapped in ill-fitted Christmas lights outlined windows and doors they tried to drown out the voids with festive spirit. 

She kicked at the snow with every step. She had needed help. Annoyance flared, she had been marred by Steve’s great consistency. He had been there. All this time he had helped. But now, after what happened between them she didn’t even want to ask. It had been months, he had not called. Once again his absence was felt. What good would it do to ask now? She bit at her lip as Azie huddled into her neck tighter against the bitter coming cold.

They ran through the door of their home, snow and wet wind poured in right along with them. Her phone started chiming like mad, Azie struggled against Awenha for her jacket, and the pack she had on her back tipped her over to the floor.

Azie ran off, ripping her little chubby arm out of the sleeve. Immediately the songs of Christmas played on the television loudly.

Awenha shook of the pack, pulled off the dirty snowy boots and stood. She walked to the couch and grabbed the remote out of Azie’s hands as she passed by.

She pulled out the phone from her pocket and lazily glanced at it. ‘Natasha’ flashed across her notifications.

Curious she opened and read the text.

_‘Christmas @ Steve’s. You in?’_

Awenha sat on the couch and flopped her feet on the end table. She looked up at Azie in time to see the girl dance lightly to the _silver bells_.

_‘We will be there.’_ She text back without another thought. A chill went through her so she got back up and headed for the kitchen.

She laid the phone on the counter and started to prep the pot with water. A flurry of notifications dinged. She set the kettle on the stove, clicked it on and turned back to the phone.

They were from Steve. Her pulse quickened then scrolled through his messages.

_‘A few people will be here.’_

_‘Not sure what I will make.’_

_‘But thank you for accepting the invitation.’_

A dreamy light smile began at the corner of her mouth.

_‘I’ll send you a list. And I will cook.’_ she text back.

_‘Thank you. :)'_

+

“I can’t believe there is so much snow.” Awenha pulled off her jacket as she spoke, took Azie’s jacket too and hung it up on the rack by Steve’s front door.

A moment passed between them when she looked up at him. Steve nodded and smiled with his eyes. She sighed with relief. He was okay. He hadn't let what happened bother him too much.

He was true to himself again. She was sure of it. He brushed over her forearm then lightly squeezed. The graceful friendly smile spread across his lips. Steve was back. And welcomed her into his home.

The ham sat right in the middle of the counter space surrounded proudly by dishes slid into place. Steve started cutting it when he heard a knock at his door. 

Awenha turned in time to see his back headed away. She pushed a dish piled high with mashed potatoes near some green beans and listened.

The soft voice of Natasha hit her ears first. Then another tone, a man- high pitched and nervous.

Natasha hit the kitchen first, dipped her finger into the mac and cheese with a smile. "Man, what I wouldn't give for some Mexican Street corn right now," she said and tossed back a creamy noodle.

"Tony and Pepper couldn't come," she said and looked up at Awenha. Natasha shrugged and walked around the counter. Bright green curious eyes wandered over Awenha’s face.

“So..it’s funny I had to invite you to get you here.” She said.

Awenha glanced to the floor then back to Natasha. "What's funny about that?" she asked.

“Because I rarely see you. Steve’s around most of the time why didn’t he text you first?”

Awenha shrugged shook off Natasha’s question as she turned.

“I have no idea.” she lied.

“That’s all of them.” Said Steve as he walked into the kitchen with the clap of his hands. "Let's sit down and eat," he commanded happily.

Azie sat on a stack of books next to Awenha. Across from them Natasha and the new man Richard, disheveled and dirty, she had not met before. And as the ever-ready leader, Steve sat to Awenha’s left at the head of his table.

From his phone on the turntable Christmas songs played in the background of Natasha’s voice.

"They are never going to have another team like that again," she said through a bit of ham.

“It’s possible!” said Richard fast his large brown eyes bulged when he spoke. “I heard they are looking for recruits now. You never know. Things change so quickly now. I should now. I was robbed tonight.” He laughed, and then slumped back in his chair, grey blushed skin under his eyes twitched as of the focus of the table fell on him.

“Somebody mugged you?” asked Steve and set his fork on his plate.

“Hell ya.” Richard began, he shook dirty hand at Azie. "Sorry, hunny. I mean yes.”

Richard took the last bite on his plate and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Christmas just isn’t the same. I miss my girls, my wife.”

"I know," said Steve. Awenha looked at him, Steve’s eyes were on Richard, soft and accepting.

“Thank you for inviting me. God knows I needed it. I hate that house.” he added and drank deeply from his cup.

"I'm never going to let them go," said Richard and looked at Awenha who met his sorrowful stare with her own. "You know what I mean? They are with you till the end," he said and his lips curled back over fuzzy yellow teeth.

Awenha looked away to the table then toward Azie. The girl was drawing lines in her mashed potatoes with her finger. The tight clench in her chest took her breath. She hadn’t realized how close it still was until the sadness hit her. Azie reached for her fork, mimicked eating the ham and then smacked as she hummed. Bucky would have laughed at her drama, she thought, maybe even joined along.

But at least she had a purpose. The sound of blood punched in her ears. The poor soul across from her was one of the _strong_. Half alive and half stuck in the past of his memories he moved through world lost. He spoke fondly of his family. He didn’t deface their memory with sad, fits of weeping that she would have done.

The thump-thump bang of her heart hit against her ribs. She looked back at Steve. They had gone back to eating. She missed the conversation that carried forward while lost in thought. Awenha sat there, nodded and smiled. She held back the uneven tone of her voice and replaced it with platitudes.

She had come far. But maybe not as stable as she had hoped.

+

Awenha thrust the last dirty dish into the machine. Tears pooled at the corner of frustrated eyes and dropped on into the stack.

She could see Bucky. Sometimes it was clear as day when she shut her eyes. The last time she saw him replayed once again. Where he had been unsure of this path but moved forward anyway. He was always stronger, more capable of dealing with moments that would have drowned her in misery. But he never bragged about it and she never told him. It had never crossed her lips to say how proud she was of his progress.

Awenha tearfully dried Azie’s cup and placed in her bag. Her thoughts came in fast and hell filled with regret. Her nerves were on pins and needles when she reached for a pack of crackers, she couldn’t hide the shake.

Azie buzzed somewhere in the living room being entertained by whatever she could get her hands on. Distant mumbles of good-byes lingered vaguely in her senses. Steve shut the door and suddenly without warning, he roared playfully at Azie then began to chase her.

Awenha dropped everything she held and clutched onto the counter at high alert. The banging clatter brought Steve in. His eyes moved over the scene. Awenha gasped and clasped a hand around sweater at her chest. “Fuck…” she whispered and turned her eyes up to him.

He was at her side before another moan could surface from her throat. “It’s okay," he reassured, but she rolled her eyes. “Hey, it’s okay.”

She shook her head. Tears poured from her eyes.

"No it's not," she said between breaths. “He’s gone.” she let go of the counter with a grunt of anger. “He’s not here!” she gasped again, sucking in air and leaned her back against the counter.

“And it’s like he is because I can’t get him out of my head.”

Sensing she was spiraling out of control Steve stood in front of her. Carefully but determined he placed his hands on either side of her hot face. “He’s there because it means you have a heart," he said.

"I wish I didn't," she muttered.

“That’s not true..shh..” he hushed her, but she began to weep.

“I wish I couldn’t feel anything..” she cried.

Steve lost himself as he watched her. Large layered tears fell from her eyes and onto his thumbs. She was a warm love at the palms of his hands. She wasn’t his girl. But might as well have been he thought as his eyes gazed at her moist mouth. Aroused by the anguish she held in her eyes Steve began to hear a low hum. It was a rush, he discovered, a reaction to her whimpers. The quickening welled up in his chest then plummeted down to his stomach. Observation turned to want, it made his ears burn and his palms sweat.

"What I wouldn't do to have a woman like you love me as much as you love Bucky," said Steve.


	7. Cake Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff-ish

_March 2021_

Awenha picked up the last of the decorations from the floor. Said good-byes to the few kids who trailed out with their parents. Bits of cake stuck to the short wooden table. Chairs were ajar and sat crooked from it.

Steve walked into the kitchen from the hallway toward the back of her home carrying a pile of trash bags. “Got most of it, but it still looks like a war zone back there.”

“Thirty kids will do that- four year olds at that.” she looked over at Steve as the top of his pyramid of bags fell back on his head and on to the floor.

“Thanks for the help.” She laughed then put her entire leg into a trash drum full of wrapping paper and pushed it down.

“_Oooh have I yet to see my pretty flowers_.” The sound of the television blasted into the kitchen.

Awenha drew her leg out, tossed an annoyed glare at Steve.

“What is it with her and the t-“

“_Ooh, how I love them so. They fill my eyes with pretty colors_.”

She song rumbled so loud it forced a wince from Awenha. She quickly walked to the living room and fell back against the frame of the entry in shock.

Steve knocked in behind her and then stepped fully into the room.

The sound stopped but what they saw astonished Awenha to the point she had to blink several times before she looked over to Azie.

In pieces, the sleek forty-five-inch television hovered in the air above the wooden table it use to sit on. To Awenha it looked like it was in the process of being blown apart by its respective pieces instead it floated, still hanging in the air mysteriously.

Her eyes darted to Azie. The little girl’s eyes were wide, focused on the television.

“Azie..” she said softly.

The moment Azie looked over to Awenha there was a loud shuffling of metal and plastic. The television snapped back together and at a normal volume of sound.

“What the hell.” Said Steve, his eyes watched after Azie as she ran to her mother.

Awenha picked her up, and then Azie wrapped her arms around her neck.

“What was that?” His focused shifted out into the room as he spoke, looking for any possible enemies.

Awenha hugged Azie rubbed a hand over her back when she looked back toward Steve. She thought back to the times the television had blasted. Sometimes she questioned if her well-placed hiding spots were found by Azie through luck.

But her eyes turned back to the black screen and questioned the moments that replayed in her mind.

“It’s been happening a lot.”

“What? Like that?” Steve’s hand gestured to the dark screen.

“No, no..not like that.” Her voice tapered off as she turned from the room.

Azie sat up. Looked down at Awenha. “That weird.”

“Do you feel okay? Anything out of sorts babe?” Awenha asked. Azie rolled her eyes from the ceiling to the floor then back at Awenha.

“No. I’m hunry,” she said.

“What has she done?” asked Steve who trailed behind the two them.

Awenha stood Azie up on the table. She looked her over, held her wrist between cool fingers feeling for Azie’s pulse.

“Just little things. I mean I thought it was just my imagination-I could have never guessed.” The words tumbled from her mouth as she held Azie’s face in her hands then kissed her forehead.

“Let’s get you some-“

“Wanasagna!” Azie cheered when Awenha put her back on the floor.

The girl ran back through the kitchen and hooked a right into the hallway and stomped back to her room.

Steve’s hands rested on his hips. Nervous, he shifted aimlessly before he spoke. “Is this because of what Hydra did to Bucky?” he asked.

“I wouldn’t rule that out,” said Awenha.

* * *

Azie used her hands at first, then with a look from Awenha attempted to use a fork too big for her hands.

She slid the noodle wet with sauce and bits of cheese across her plate. She placed her open mouth at the edge and pushed the soggy pasta into her mouth.

“That’s my girl,” said Steve and patted her softly on the back.

Awenha took a sip of her water, watched Azie’s theatrics with a small amused smile.

“Did you know,” Steve began then turned his head toward Awenha and spoke more softly. “That she would be able to do that.” he continued.

“I ran a few tests when I was pregnant. I knew she would have abilities of some kind. I assumed it would come on later in her life.”

“And it’s only to do with the serum?” he asked. Awenha turned her eyes to him considered the weary expression on his face.

“No.” she took a sip then put the glass down. “I’m not wholly human either.”

“While, my abilities tend to drift toward innovation, research. I’m nowhere near Azie’s level.” Awenha’s eyes settled on Azie for a moment then shifted back to Steve.

“Not human?”

“Have you heard of Eternals?”

Steve blinked as he leaned back away from Awenha. The sudden change in his demeanor was quick, unexpected.

“Like Thanos,” said Steve.

Awenha rubbed sweaty hands down the front of her thighs. “It’s complicated.”

Azie slopped another noodle down, and then knocked over the woody basket of bread-sticks. Awenha watched it all from the sidelines as she tried to focus on the wave of questions Steve was bound to ask.

“Explain it then,” he said flatly.

“I can’t. At least not fully, Steve.” she shrugged, residing to her ignorance. “I don’t know all of it. I only have pieces of information, and even then it’s only related to certain members of my family.”

His eyes looked her over passively but the hint of authority in his voice was not missed by her. “Break it down. How is Thanos in all of this?” he asked.

“He’s from another world. Probably populated by Eternals. said Awenha.

“So you’re an alien,” questioned Steve.

“No! From what I gathered the Eternal’s on this world were created here. This is their home, has been for thousands of years.”

“Then where are they? Why haven’t they helped us?” said Steve and turned his body toward Awenha. “If these beings are here, why have we gone it alone?”

“Who’s to say they haven’t? Or aren’t doing it right now?” she insisted. Steve slumped as he leaned an arm on the table.

“I don’t have the answers for you. I’m sorry. There are things I need to know too. I’m on my own just like you.”

Steve relaxed from the jitter of discovering the bits of information. He licked his lips, those supple light eyes focused on the floor. Something akin to understanding appeared to shift his expression. His eyes glided back up to her.

He flexed his square jaw. “No you aren’t,” said Steve, from underneath the table his hand rested on top of her hand.

“You aren’t on your own.”


	8. Compass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: angst, smut, noncon/dark themes

_Summer 2021_

Awenha stepped out of the bathroom. Pushed a few clumps of curls back over her shoulder as she looked down the hall. The Avengers Facility while smooth and sleek as any of Tony Stark’s iron suits, the common area was homey. Wooden and porous voices carried down the hall from the kitchen.

She checked through her phone as she walked. Mostly listened but was more focused on updates from the sitter.

“You’re getting’ pretty close,” said Natasha. Awenha’s stride paused. Her eyes drifted up to the wide window that overlooked the quinjet in the distance.

“Stop.” Steve’s low and rigid tone pushed into the hall.

“What, you do look happier,” said Natasha, there was a pause followed by the sound of a dish falling into the sink. “Less mopey, with just a tad less hopelessness.” she chuckled.

She couldn’t hear his reply when it was lost to the sound of another shuffle of dishes.

“Steve, do you even know what you’re doing?” Natasha asked.

“This ought to be good,” Steve grumbled.

“She’s your best friend’s widow.”

“She’s my friend.”

“Then why are you looking at her like that? The same dejected look you use to give that compass?”

There was a short silence. Steve did not answer. And Awenha could hear the beat of her heart in her ears.

“Look, I’m not going to judge whatever this is. But don’t kid yourself, Steve. Neither one of you could love each other as much as the two of you mourn.”

* * *

Their conversation was still at the front of her thoughts as they entered his quarters. Wandering eyes grazed over the suit standing in the corner, a couple of sparse bookshelves and a bed pristinely made. The handsome half-smile on Steve’s lips did nothing to put her at ease as she walked through the door. He touched her lightly now as he ushered her in. Looked at her lovingly too.

Her heart sank a bit deeper. She had not wanted that for him. To think of her in this way made her sick in the heart.

He motioned with a flick of his hand across the room at a few souvenirs he had collected. Her eyes fell on the shelves. Maybe these were the reminders he used. Perhaps for both of them, the only happy times that were left lay now in the past. Like little reminders of when life had a purpose.

The click of the door shut was enough for the chattering intuition at the back of her mind to start nagging. She looked over her shoulder, her gaze floated from the floor to the smooth blue of his eyes as they looked down her body.

And damned herself for ignoring her instincts. He wanted her. Of course, he did, she had known that since his little drunk pat-down session. But like then she knew now Bucky was still stuck in her heart. If Steve only knew how long it had taken her to accept Bucky. He might not be as overwhelming as he was being now.

Steve walked toward her. Her skin felt hot, her mouth a little dry. And now she was alone with him. Along with adrenalin, the sense of escape rushed through her veins.

Awenha flashed him an appeasing grin before she looked back the shelf. A tight apprehensive sigh flowed from her lips. Steve was near, close, and his hand hovered over the small of her back. Knots formed in her stomach as she glanced between him and the shelf again. The sight of raw desire in his eyes sickened her with shame. He wasn’t shy about what he wanted. She wished she had that ability, to just give herself over. Because as much as he wanted her – she wanted him too.

Steve spoke about daring missions while her mind wandered instead. She stared at the artifacts and settled on one. Her eyes landed on the hilt of a knife. It looked exactly like another she had seen before. It was like Bucky’s.

She blinked and leaned in slightly, it was Bucky’s.

Her eyes fixed on that knife; she tried to push through the heady smell of Steve. Aftershave and the musk of his skin washed over her anyway. His hand grazed the dip of her waist glided over the back of her rib-cage and around her shoulders. She felt the other press into the fullness of her belly as that one too moved up her body to envelop her into his arms.

“–This isn’t right,” she spoke remorsefully and ready to brush him off.

He was handsome, bold, and the freckles on his cheeks only accented the faltering smile upon his pink lips. Looking into his shade of blue she wondered how could he appear so supple and yet famished as he regarded her. And he was soft when his lips lowered over her mouth. For a moment she kissed him back. Put every bit of hope and sadness into that kiss until she felt like it would burst from her. It was love and shame, lust and resistance, but she kissed him anyway.

Maybe she would have been okay with just that. Despite the stubbornness that she felt. It could have been a kiss to break in the feel of him. To give her some space to grow through trauma.

The heat of his hand found her face keeping her in place as he worshiped her mouth. She was desperate to fill the empty void with new love instead it began to fill with guilt. Steve licked the inside of her lip, the salacious act pushed in want. And it began to hammer into her the fear of forgetting Bucky.

She tried to break his kiss, turned her face where he left a trail of longing along her jaw. His other hand found a place at the rise of her breast. Squeezing and teasing he rolled her nipple through the fabric of her dress. She untangled herself from his arms and took a few wobbled steps back. The distance felt good, made her heart stop beating so fast and her mind a bit clearer.

She touched the puffy skin of her lips as they tingled and burned. A rippled of shock hit what little resolve she had left so she turned around from him and looked out the small window. What are you doing? He’s Bucky’s best friend! Her thoughts ran down a tally of questions that she should have asked herself long ago. Her eyes focused on a tree below, not really seeing she thought of her daughter, and how she took to Steve-it was sweet, adoring even. But she felt guilty that she loved how he was with her.

But the clang of metal on a soft floor returned her attention to the man behind standing near. She turned back to Steve in time to see him throw his thin shirt to the floor. Swirls of dark blond chest hair moved with his skin over lean taut muscle. “What..are you doing?” she asked.

Bewildered she looked at the pile of his shirt and belt then back to him.

“I can’t do this,” she said matter-of-factly.

Blond tips of hair caressed the tops of his eyebrows. The captain’s eyes traveled the length of her body.

“I’ve seen how lonely you are…you need family,” said Steve, the softness was all but vacant now. In its place, a forbidden lust lingered in his eyes.

“You don’t know anything about me.” she shook her head slightly as she spoke.

“I know you’re always alone,” he said with his low clear voice and took a few steps closing the gap between them. “Whether that’s loneliness or not-I see it.”

She ignored the heat of his body, and then glanced back out the window. “People are allowed to grieve,” she said quietly.

“And then move on,” said Steve.

She turned back to him, anger prickled her response. “With you?” she scoffed.

His marbled shoulders rolled into a small shrug. “Why not?” asked Steve. She started to speak but he interrupted. “And don’t say it’s because of Bucky.” Steve’s tone was short, calm.

Awenha was lost for words, and in the few seconds of the absence of a reply Steve’s knuckles swept from her temple to cheek.

“You like it there don’t you? Being stuck where you think you don’t belong,” he asked, his voice was barely louder than a whisper. Like he was speaking directly to a part of herself she rarely addressed.

“Makes it easier to turn down anything that looks like you might fit in,” said Steve, the hot palm of his hand cradled the side of her face.

“I know what that feels like Awenha.” a grim smile hung at the corners of his mouth as he spoke. “More than Bucky ever would.”

Steve leaned toward her, Awenha closed her eyes at the sudden nearness of him as he pressed their foreheads together. “I know you’re scared…you’re so afraid of betraying his memory.” said Steve, his breath and his scent inhaled with her sigh. “-That you deny yourself hope.”

Steve pulled back and he kissed her again. Slow, his lips touched her mouth briefly.

Their mouths parted, his eyes heavy, he gazed at her with concern. “What did he do to you honey?” the salacious tone of Steve’s voice caused a shiver down her neck.

Steve kissed her temple, hovered over her right ear and spoke softly. “Did he convince you that he was the only man who could make you feel?” asked Steve.

Awenha’s head swam as she struggled to think. She felt the gnawing ache between her thighs. “He—we connected. Saw each other for who were are. I can’t break from that. I don’t want to betray what we had.”

Steve’s hands tugged at the edge of her top. “But you aren’t, baby,” he said and pulled it over her head.

His chest bumped against her. The feel of his skin was impossibly hot against the coolness of her belly. He wrapped his arms high at her back. “Don’t let it-the fear hold you back…” he unfastened her bra as he looked down upon her.

His hands glided across her skin back to her waist. Blue eyes darkened as they floated over her thick figure. “We want the same things…” and he unbuttoned her pants.

Awenha stepped out of her jeans as she wrapped her arms around Steve’s neck. His large warm hands landed on the fat of her ass and pressed her hips into him.

Avidly his eyes shifted over her face. “Say you want this,” he said and spread her ass apart.

She tilted her head and kissed him on the mouth. “I want it,” she said between sweetly placed kisses.

Steve’s eyes narrowed and before she could say another word he grabbed her by the arms and pushed her on to his bed. His eyes slid up her body with dark desire. Fear and lust moved through her when he rendered her panties to shreds and then without warning buried his face between her legs.

A shout rocked out of her followed by a series of pants and coos out into the room.

“Fuck!” she hissed.

Steve only brought his face up only once to comment on the taste of her. His voice drove her mad, spiked her lust and felt the rush of wetness that he slurped up. He scooped up the whole of her clit, she whimpered then bucked her hips when thick fingers slipped in easily. She was being taken, consumed and she loved every second of it.

A whine and gasp mixed in her throat. It came out desperate, provoked and she reached for his hair. Silky blond strands combed through her hands. She gripped a handful of it as eager hips rocked to his tongue and bounced with his fingers. Nipples pulled taut at the ripple of sensations flowing over her skin.

Her thoughts tumbled through her head. He was good. Different than Bucky. Not darker, just bestowing. And she craved what he offered.

Steve sucked and flicked his tongue fervently on her bundle of nerves, rubbed a rough thumb along the center of her slit. And she could feel she was close now, fucking soaked, and ready to cum.

With another lashing of his tongue, the orgasm she built up came crashing in, and up through her pelvis. The tingles moved through her thighs and her body leaving her shook and dizzy. She tried to catch her breath in the fading feeling. Steve rose up from below her, gave a quick wipe to his mouth and smiled. He leaned back, unbuttoned his pants, with his eyes still on her.

Awenha swallowed the lump in her throat, her tongue moisten the rim of her lips when the stiff cock sprung from his underwear.

She shifted the wanton gaze up to him, the smile on his face matched the smugness in his eyes.

“What are you goin’ to do with that?” she teased.

Steve loomed over. His face grew serious, with his left hand he rose her thigh up and slid his arm underneath. “-Make you feel good, sweetheart,” he said with a grunt. He followed the same with her other leg, splitting her wide.

He entered her with a groan. Buried the length of himself in one smooth motion and he began to set an agonizing pace. He smirked at her gasp, kissed at her moans. But her pants that feathered out between groans he took them into his lungs because he loved every one of them.

Steve molded his hips to her, only pulled back when he retreated. The grip of her lips around the base of his cock drove him back in for more. The harder he pounded the more snug she became, the grip of her cunt clenched harder around him. Steve’s eyes roamed her face, they were shut tight her moans became fainter.

Steve’s voice rasped near her lips. “Are you thinking of him?” he asked between thrusts.

His face seemed to blur then melt away before her.

With the tightening of her cunt, he knew he struck a nerve. “Do it, -think of him,” he commanded and fucked her harder. “But it’s me that’s inside you.”

The ominous joy floated up in her mind. It was twisted, -sick maybe and it made her cum all the harder.

And Steve wasn’t far behind. With a grunt and followed her with a few jerks of his hips spreading his cum inside her. Awenha tried to shift, recuperate from the fading feeling. But his thrusts only slowed, they did not stop.

Steve released her legs as he rocked back upon his knees. And he made a spin with his finger. “Turn over honey.” He gripped her thighs and held her through the roll. Just after she spread her legs he hitched her hips in his hands and slammed her back on his cock.

He pounded her, he bruised and roughed her up from within. His grunts became furiously gravelly with every slap of his hips against her ass. Moaning was beyond her now. The glorious pain of him spreading her kept her mind dazed.

“You take me so good,” said Steve along with a slap on her ass. “You wanna do good for me?”

She couldn’t answer, he was dragging her in a void between resistance and release.

Steve released her hips, collapsed on top of her. Within seconds he was back inside of her with an arm snaked between her breasts and gripped her throat. “Oh my God.” she managed in her shock.

His voice grated across her ears. “Answer me,” he said and dominated her with his ruts. “You wanna be good for me?” he repeated once more.

“Yes!” she gargled through his grip.

“Were gonna’ be a family.” He groaned. “Us three….and maybe four..”

Her eyes shot open at the sound of his ragged words in her ear. What did he mean? She tried to roll him off, move or angle her body.

The kickback of her hips roused something primal within Steve and triggered the deep-seeded need to mark her body once again. He tightened the hold around her throat, the hand that swiped at his hip he held down, keeping her at his mercy.

“Awenha,” he whispered. Steve’s body shuddered on top of her and covered the walls within her.


	9. Sleeping Beauty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: smut/angst/non-con/dubious consent

_December 2021_

Sweat dripped from reddish tawny brown skin, Awenha’s body shuddered all over with the fading sensations. Steadily gaining strength her voice still mumbled from her lips. 

“Let me go.”

“You said you wanted it.”

She strained against the belt around her arms. “That’s before you were crazy!” she spat out.

“Let me go!” she yelled. Steve’s fingers fumbled over her mouth, she could smell her scent all over them.

“Shhh,” he said lightly and patted her lips. “You’ll wake our daughter.”

Awenha rolled her head to the side using every bit of will she could summon clawed and scraped her way through the wave of sick at the mention of her child.

Wisps of dirty blond hair fell into her vision. “You said-said that you would stop,” she whispered.

His voice hit at the heart of her worry. “And I told you that this was happening.” he said.

Steve fell onto his elbows. His body covered Awenha’s body in a blanket of heat. He forced out her thighs, rested his hips at her warm center. And single tear slid from the corner of her eye.

“What’s wrong honey?” he placed a peck on her chin. "You’ve already cum twice.“ He kissed the corner of her mouth. "My turn now.”

Achingly Steve pushed his cock back and forth inside her. She dripped around his length the sound of her sodden cunt drove him harder.

“I’m going to put a baby in you, love.”

“Don’t-“

“Everyone will know then..” he groaned deeper with every force from his hips. “-that I’m the one who claimed your body.”

Steve blinked his eyes open the moment he came inside her. She pulled her eyes away from his face. Shame mixed indecency making him feel confident, self-assured, that he could do it again. He was in his sweet spot; hard enough to fuck again and more than willing to keep trying. The pulse of his cock twitched to sink back in.

With every drag of him against the tenderness within her Steve’s mind raced with the image of her swollen belly. He nipped softly at her earlobe. “—carry my child.” he whispered wickedly.

The sharp movement of her resistance sent him sputtering over the edge.

* * *

Dull eyes fixed on the window to her right. Foggy condensation stuck the thin pane of glass and beyond it, sheets of snow blanketed the gray sky. The bitter robust smell of coffee wafted in the air. The steady stream of quiet conversations hummed around her.

She reached for the beads. But only felt the skin of her naked wrist. Teary eyes fell to her arm.

Awenha rubbed her eyes desperately trying to bring herself back together. She had forgotten, in the mix of his hands and lips, he had taken them from her the night before. But she would get more, she told herself defiantly, just like she did before.

A waitress in the distance dropped a few cups on the floor. Guarded and distrustful, Awenha jerked her head in the direction of the bangs just Natasha Romanoff slid into her vision. Dressed in a large burly jacket, some thick pants and high boots she nodded in Awenha’s direction.

Recovering from the shakeup, Awenha glanced to the waitress then back up at her Natasha. Kind green eyes looked down at her as she removed the hood. Blond tips from a braid spilled onto her shoulder as she smiled pleasantly.

“Looks terrible out today. I barely made it in,“ she said in a huff and slung the jacket at the back of the chair across from Awenha.

Relaxed Natasha sat in the chair. Keen eyes roamed over Awenha then throughout the café. She mopped away a few droplets from pale smooth skin.

"Long time, no see,” Natasha said after a moment of adjustment.

“Thank you for meeting me here.”

Natasha studied Awenha’s features, a slick auburn brow arched as she considered her. “What’s going on?” she asked.

Awenha’s eyes dropped down to the cup her hands wrapped around. Attempting to grapple the horrors of the last few months into a few words she squeezed the cup a little harder.

“Steve,” she finally said.

She looked back up at Natasha. The once spy continued to analyze her ticks. “What’s he done?” she asked.

Awenha looked her in the eyes. “I need him out of my life,” she said then swallowed the dryness of her throat.

“Why?” Natasha asked in unusual stern pitch.

Awenha took a silent quick breath. “He’s doesn’t take no for an answer.”

Natasha’s roamed over her face again. “Okay.” and she sat back, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

Natasha gave her a quick nod and picked up her cup. “You believe me?” Awenha asked surprised by the quickness of her response.

“Sure.” She slightly shrugged then tested her coffee. “We lived through the end of the world. Nowadays, there ‘lots of people that don’t have much to lose.”

She blew on her coffee. “Especially Steve.”

\+ + +

Natasha’s wet boots flicked off icy clumps of dirty snow. The shuffle of chairs being turned up on their ends met her as she rounded the corner into the small hall. Steve placed the last chair on the table and walked back to the vacant desk next to a podium.

“Hey.” She said casually and strode to the stage. Steve glanced around, threw a small smile in her direction and continued to look through papers. He turned his eyes back to her for a second before returning to separating forms. It was strange that she was here, she never made it in this far. Usually, she preferred to stay holed up in the compound for days on end.

“So how’s it going with you and the widow?” she asked.

There it was, he thought, as he looked back at her. The chipper smile faltered and gave her a withering glare instead.

He returned to slipping in the forms into their folders. “Don’t call her that,” Steve said flatly.

Natasha crossed her legs flinging some melted dark snow on to the carpet. “I hear you’re harassing her,” she replied in his same tone.

Steve lifted his head to her, his pupils narrowed to pinpoints. “What did she tell you?” he asked and glanced over her expression.

“Well, she didn’t get into specifics. But I got the sense that you’re scaring the shit out of her.”

He looked back down, then stepped over and put blank forms in a slot on the wall. “Sometimes relationships can start rocky.”

“So it’s true?” said Natasha with a small pitch of surprise.

“Look-“

“You’re losing the perspective, cap.” She hopped off the stage and walked to Steve. “You aren’t the only one with baggage. Don’t shift it all on her,” she said and stood next to the desk.

Annoyance blistered through him, “Baggage? –is that what you want to call it?” he asked.

“Cut the shit, Steve. You can’t go around –”

“I can sleep.” He interrupted; his eyes fell back on the folder and stuffed the last of the paperwork inside of it. “Nat, there was nothing before except the guilt. Now, I know what to do with myself.”

Steve put the folder under his arm. “And she makes me happy.”

A few seconds passed as Natasha scrutinized his expression. “Whatever you’re trying to make up for, this isn’t going to make the guilt go away. It’s not going to get easier.”

Steve could sense what was going on. Awenha had come crying to Nat, the awkward position she now placed him, was an attempt to pull him from his newfound place in her life.

He gave Nat one lasting glance before he turned from her and walked out of the room.

She won’t be able to get rid of him that easily. The thought of her pushing him away either physically or emotionally sickened with frustration. He would have to try a little harder then, thought Steve. To set a reminder, that Awenha was wrong about him. That he would win her back. 

* * *

“You’re going to look so beautiful, honey.”

Steve chuckled into the dark, “Well, you already take my breath away you’re so lovely.” he said softly, his hand trailed over her lips. “Such a beautiful mother already, just think when you have mine too…”

Tenderly his eyes caressed her face, the curl of a knowing smile began at the corner of his lips. “I’m going to give you something precious,” said Steve, and placed a kiss on her cheek.

His hands slid down her naked chest groping along the way. Darkened eyes moved down her breasts and to the fullness of her curves.

“What about Steve junior for a boy?” said Steve bringing his eyes back up to her face quickly. Joy spread in his eyes. “Or, Margaret for a girl?”

Steve slid a finger across her slit and looked back down. The first and second digits were covered with wetness. “See?” he held up the fingers above her rested face. “Even asleep–fast asleep, your body knows its purpose.”

Impatiently, he drew her legs back as he contemplated their joining in utero.

Steve pushed in all the way, his eyes rolled in ruptured ecstasy. “Such a sweet pussy..” he drawled and started to roll his hips with a fevered pace.

Steve watched the bounce of her breast match the rhythm of his thrusts. Why wouldn’t she want this? In his mind, Steve laughed at her hubris. He was the right man for her. He convinced himself it was just a matter of time before she realized.

He took care of her, even loved her too.

He was a family man, through and through.


	10. Heirloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: smut, angst, assault, non-con touching

_November 2022_

_Awenha imaged Steve’s life as a series of selfless acts. Moments where he threw himself into service of country displaying those coveted traits of duty and perseverance –heroism. That was what he was known for. He was authentic, with the relentless pursuit of freedom. As the ever-ready leader, it was always on his terms. He would take them down the road of victory, sometimes death, and a few times loss. She didn’t know the exact moment, but long ago he had taken a wrong turn. He had stepped on the path of his own darkness and just kept going._

Distant loud banging stirred her anxious blood into fright. Awenha wrung out her hands trying to squeeze the fear out of them. The somber pale lamp from her bedroom gave her enough light to move shaky fingers over a long handle. She popped open the narrow display and began programming the settings.

_She had once dreamt of a life where she belonged. Bucky had given that to her. A happy home. A doting man. A successful father. And to a point, he had also given her peace of mind. She had sought after it in the safety of his arms, and the security of his words. Made it the reason she stayed even after the million moments of darkness between them. She had become use to his darkness. The thought of Bucky both pained and aroused her. But that was her limit. Bucky was the end. He made it worth the hurt. Because her mind was being reshaped too, like his. And he accepted her. She belonged to him. They were each other’s oasis from a world that had shunned them._

She straightened the figurine on the wall. Worried eyes glanced over it one more time as it hung in the hall among photos and family heirlooms.

_And then there was Steve. A year’s worth of pain, fear, and scarcity of safety worked her over good. He left her with deep hurts, the sort of kind that never really healed with time. She couldn’t lie to herself though, it was obvious that sometimes he had loved her. The moments after he finished he could be tender, accepting-even remorseful. She had to believe that he was. Otherwise, the spiral of gloom he was sending her down was just crazed fits of obsessiveness._

Awenha ran back to the front door, pressed her body against its surface. She rubbed sweat out of her eyes and then tried to push harder against the door. Another sleepless night followed by a drag ass day and then this. 2 AM and Steve was banging at her door.

_Apart of her wanted to give up. Parts of him were still there, the fair-haired captain’s smile, the warming gentility she adored would sometimes give her pause. Maybe she could give in to him and find out what it would mean to be his family. But the nights spent weaving in and out of sleep and dreams about him so terrible she wanted to vomit proved to be enough._

Awenha stood against the door of her home. Her body bumped against the wood as the round of pounds from the other side shook her.

Her pulse quickened–another night of frantic shouts. “I can’t believe you’re doing this!” he hissed and berated her some more.

Awenha shut her eyes, tired and thankful that Azie was not there. If she did one thing right, it was that she made damn sure Azie was on the next shuttle back to Wakanda. And soon, she would be too.

It wasn’t like last week. Steve had shown up in the middle of the day. Azie had whined, she loved her Uncle Steeb and she let him in. He was docile when he spoke, if she hadn’t known him better she might have forgiven him. But she was afraid then too, like now-trying to hold out against the hostile bangs.

The door rattled again shaking up her thoughts.

“You need to leave!” she shouted.

“Please, open the door,” he begged.

“No.” she managed to mumble above the sound of more strikes.

“Open the door!” Steve shouted.

There was a hard hit, a wide bump that knocked her forward. He was breaking the door down, she thought in terror. She spun around in time to see the seam of the door where the handle met the frame shred.

Steve stalked in with a bundle in one arm and then slammed the door ajar behind him. Middle of fall and he wore only a thick long-sleeved shirt a pair of slacks and dark muddy boots. Sweat casts a sheen across his redden brow. Awenha stood there; aghast and disbelief planted her feet. Even when he stepped up, with her senses narrowing into alert, she did not move. Steve stared at the soft pallet of her shocked open mouth.

“-Told you to open the door,” he said calmly.

“This has to stop.” she breathed.

Steve stopped short of forcing her to step backward. The blush of red under his skin, the disheveled strands of blonde hair did nothing to dampen his beauty. For a few fleeting seconds, Steve was the man she had remembered. Even in the darkness of the entryway Steve’s eyes appeared calm but dismal, it took her breath away.

“Why are you here?” she asked, the words falling out of her mouth in whispers.

Steve grabbed her arm, jerked her back to the dining area of the kitchen and slammed her into the wooden chair with enough force to tip the chair back.

Standing between her and the table she watched him throw the bundle on its surface. She glanced over the hurried movements of his hands, the dark blond hair falling out of its place, and the deranged edge of his focused eyes.

“This is why I’m here,” he said and thrust a photo to her face.

Trembling hands took it from him and she stared at it.

It was Steve, Azie and herself. She remembered it from last winter, they had gone out for coco.

“I don’t understand.” she looked up at him confusion settled into her expression.

Contempt turned over his features. He grabbed for another then squatted near her, his hot breath puffed up to her face, as he held up another photo.

“Look at your face.” he implored once again.

Awenha peeled her eyes from Steve to the photo. This one was black and white. A snap from his phone. It was close and intrusive and an image of herself sleeping.

“See how peaceful you are?”

She realized this was taken from within her bedroom.

“I did that.—for you.” He spoke softly and tossed the photo back in the stack.

His fingers grazed along her jaw insisting that she look back at him.

“Steve…” she coaxed.

“Don’t shut me out…of our family.”

She closed her eyes to his strained credulous face.

“I know you want it.” He spoke sympathetically.

Faintly, near out of breath. “I don’t,” she said.

And she opened her eyes, his fingers trailed from her jaw over the skin of her throat. He splayed his fingers and palm across her breast bone.

“Your heart’s beating so fast.” He said reverently.

His eyes glided back up to her.

“Are you scared of me?”

A sentiment Bucky had once expressed tumbled from Steve’s mouth. She felt no shame with her answer then, and she did not feel it now.

“Yes.”

A few days worth of stubble glinted in the light of the dusky street light that poured through the window. He looked as tired as she felt. Maybe he was done with all of this she hoped. Perhaps he would let her go.

His hand balled up the front of her t-shirt. Darkened eyes lost in some distant thought rolled back as they closed.

“I could take it.”

Her eyes flicked up to the entryway then back at him as his eyes opened. “I know,” said Awenha.

“Tell me. Say you want me! Just need to hear you say it.”

She spits in his face. “Go to hell.”

Steve wiped at the splatters across his face, furious eyes stared her down as he hauled her up by the arms and pushed her against the table, hard. Photos and paper trinkets slid under her while some fell to the floor.

“I think you might need a reminder,” he grunted out and he pulled at the hem of his shirt.

Steve took his shirt attempted to tie her hands behind her back but Awenha twisted out of his hold. Something in Steve snapped, he jerked her around slammed her shoulders on to the surface of the table and spread her legs around him.

She was desperate to get back on her feet, so she balled up her fists- hit at his sides, his neck, and his face. It didn’t deter him in the slightest. Steve pulled at her sweats, took them clean off her in one tug.

He leaned back over her pulling and folding her forearms at her back. He used the weight of her body and his to make sure she couldn’t do that again. He was free to roam, and he did so between desperate kisses he placed around her mouth.

One of Steve’s fingers tugged at her underwear and hitched it to the side her cunt. Mumbles and groans of resistance fumbled from her lips. “You’re starting to learn.,“ he said gruffly, he was aroused at the wetness he found waiting for him. He slipped two fingers inside of her. Gasping and almost spent humiliation poured over her when she felt how easily he pushed in. She saw his face again, though this time it was blurry. She blinked, the tears fell.

Steve’s face hovered near her again before he dipped his mouth in and licked at her neck. Steve’s ear was close. Her eyes locked in. While his moans matched her gasps he was lulled into the heat of her, Awenha glanced over his careless movements.

Her head rose up, lips curled over her teeth and clamped down on his ear. A sharp groan and a series of hisses filled her ears along with the beat of her heart. Blood and spit dripped from her mouth. Steve scratched at her inner thighs. A feathery gargled scream passed around her lips. He dug into her stomach left welts across her skin on contact. He roared and jerked her up by the arms. Desperate to make her stop he scrapped at her mouth and pulled at her curls. It wasn’t until she got on her feet that she released him. With fury in his eyes, Steve took a step back from her still holding his ear. 

In an instant, the sound of a smack cracked in the air. Steve had backhanded her viciously that she crumpled back onto the table.

It stunned her.

It shocked him.

Panting and scared with a tangy taste in her mouth wide eyes stared up at him. He stood between her and the entry. The only way out was to her right, through the kitchen, and down the hall.

Awenha leaped from the table knocked the chair in her way back toward him. She ran passed the kitchen counter with the sound of crashing footsteps behind that her quickened rushed steps. She turned down the hall from the corner of her eye she could see his darkened figure lunge out at her. Air burned her lungs she was sucking so hard. Her body shook, legs wobbled but she kept the pace.

Her eyes glanced to the wall. Only a few more steps, she thought- but he slammed her into the wall.

The inertia from running had her sliding across the paper of the wall. The motions of their bodies upturned photo frames and knocked down statues sending them clattering to the wooden floor. Her eyes wild with fear looked up at him. Vivid pink crept into his cheeks a single stream of ruby glided down to his chest. His eyes, imperiously brutal stared down at her.

"Wish you hadn’t of done that,” he said as he wrestled with her wrists.

A sickening dizzy fell over her as she spoke. “Wish I never met you.” she bit back tearfully and then tried to knee him in the balls.

The struggle fizzled out when he wrenched his bulging thigh high between her legs and onto her cunt, his arm braced the base of her throat and he cupped her mouth shut.

Her toes grazed the floor; she gripped his arm and wrist. “Shhh..” he hushed, but eyes made of fire burned back at him. “I’m not this-I never meant that,” he said.

Steve leaned into her body, dipped his head near her neck and placed kisses along the sweaty strained part as he twisted her head to the right.

Her eyes looked up. Hope filled her, she was only a few inches from the handle.

Awenha let go of his arm reached up and out to the silver prong. He stirred in her ear and before he looked back at her, she wrapped her fingers around it. Steve started to speak, the unforgiving thump of her heart beat warped in her ears. She pulled on it releasing it from its hold, she swiveled it in her hand and brought the pointy end down on the crux of his neck and shoulder.

Like lightening times one hundred- a stunning current shot through his nervous system. His body seized around her. She pushed it in further to make it stick. His face was screwed up into anger and terror and already he was beginning to fight it. His right hand was slowly coming up to grab it.

She squeezed from under his arm at her neck as her toes touched the floor to her left. She fell to the floor, her eyes shot back up at him, shuddering breaths ripped through at the sight of him.

He fell against the wall still half-frozen in his stance. His fingers were coming closer now to the prong sticking out of him.

The sound was violent, a fucking dying beast. He roared, the pained garble spurned her into flight.

Awenha ran back the way she had come. Fear and success filled her to move faster away from Steve. She turned to the left toward the back of the home, threw open the door to the back yard, fell through the wrought iron guard and stumbled down the steps.


	11. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Somnophilia, drugging, obsessive behavior, dubious consent/non-con

It had all happened so fast.

Puffy white flakes of snow fell into bouncing black curls. She ran across the yard. Under the thick blanket of night, quick steps mashed the icy mounds under bare feet.

Behind her, gargled groans exploded into her psyche either from distant moans or the stains left on her mind it propelled her legs forward.

The fence at the end of the yard, her destination, was becoming a thick blurry line. Something was wrong, she couldn’t focus her eyes. She fell into the tall wooden gate, her legs felt heavy under her weight. Awenha’s hands clasped the iron latch, parts of the frozen handle stuck to sweaty patches of skin.

Naked from the waist down, save for a pair of panties she poured her body through the gate. Trembling hands held on to the weathered wood, nails dragged against the grain of it in an attempt to stand up straight. The legs underneath her would not do as she said. The first step out into the dirty snow-filled alleyway she felt her body and mind dip and sway.

The lightheaded feeling was back but this time much more disastrous. She clung to the wood locked her knees where she stood. She pressed her face against the strangely warm grains and stared terrified down the darkened narrow path.

Steve, the mere thought of him, had her trying to walk away. He must have done something, and she tried to take a step.

Legs unable to complete their task collapsed under her. Awenha went crashing down to the dirt, gravel, and snow hitting her face hard. She laid there, eyes open in blank near lifeless gawk.

She was aware, impossibly so. Vulnerable to the inevitable moment when Steve found her she could only lay there and stare at the rickety fence across the ally.

Long, thick boots filled her vision. They stopped in front of her then turned in her direction. The smell of wet wood and dead grass and a vague hint of water filled her lungs as she tried to suck in air.

He was closer now, above her all around her, hovering. He touched her hair, moved it out of her face as he rocked Awenha on to her back.

She stared vacant up at the heavy gray clouds, pockets of black swirled within them as snow fell into her eyes.

Steely blues bore down on her. “That was enough to knock out more than a dozen people.” said Steve. Her delicate short breaths roared over the sound of his heartbeat. He knelt down over her pressed both of his hands into the snow. Concerned with what he was forced to do a hand brushed from her forehead and onto her eye lids shutting them closed.

“I know you can’t hear me right now. –shit maybe you can, who knows how this stuff works on you. But I want you to know, you’re safe. Honey, you’re safe with me.”

He held her limp body within his strong arms. His eyes rarely left her sleeping face as he walked her back to the house. He carried her up the stairs, not bothering to look-he knew the layout so well by now.

Under his boots, he crumpled over broken glass and figurines. And when he laid her in the bed something sorrowful, a small wrecked feeling began to fill him. He had to do this again. He was sure though, he had to do it to make her stay. Who was he without her?

And who was she without him?

* * *

A hard thump to her thigh was enough to start the gentle rock of a drug induced mind into consciousness.

The tightening stretch of her cunt brought her fully awake. He was all around her again and inside of her when hands too weak to fight back pushed against his face. The feel of him was ephemeral, too light to hold and too otherworldly to sense.

Their bodies lie in rays of fire, crackling against one another, it poured in from the winter morning sun. Coarse whispers moaned out to the light. Huffs of air panted from her lips bringing out rapture of bliss within her. The echoes of their voices twisted and rubbed one another intensifying the connection. “I love you,” he groaned from above her ear then pushed his length in harder.

She moaned once again from hard hitting tease from her core. “Oh honey,” groaned Steve, and his hips began to thump. “You’re gonna look so beautiful carrying my baby.”

His single focus, with his distinguished fervor assailed her body and she never denied how he made her feel. In this moment he carried her away from her worry. He kept here, in the moment with graceful thrusts, the hardness of his chest as it pressed against her nipples. And when his hands came to her face he brought his mouth to her lips. She kissed him back. Pained and as hurt by him as she was. She gave back to him and joined him in the conquest of their pleasure.

Coaxed to cum Awenha opened her eyes, heavy lids watched the sharp angles of his face in the sun when he too pulled back to gauge her. Steve’s eyes, his true expression, mighty and violating tunneled through her. The effect had her clinging to him from within, snagged around him tightly as she loudly came close to the end.

“I know…I know honey.” he said heavily and placed a longing kiss on her cheek.

Her eyes rolled back, Steve’s face faded into blurry double vision. _What did he do to me_, she reflected as the vibrations of his grunts buzzed against her breasts. The horrid thought of how she got here shattered her psyche sending shards of perverted tendencies directing her will to cum. It was wrong, all bad, but she could not deny it turned her on.

“Feels so good to you doesn’t it.” he muttered something else afterward but she couldn’t hear because his deep gifting prodding made her cum. It was a soft completion of sensations, that neither ripped nor tore through her body as once before. It was light, though soaked with fright it continued to linger in her clit.

The first thing she heard passed the weakening moans from her lips was the familiar wounded groans of his shudders. He filled her up and pressed his face against her cheek for love and belonging. Sweat cascaded from his temple to her lips, his steadying breaths rushed into her ear.

His quaking voice brushed through her curls, “I swear to you, honey…” the trembling arch of his voice flowed with promises after. “-I’ll take care of you.”

“Shhh….” she was fading again but felt Steve’s hand push the curls away from her face. “-I’ll be here for you.”

* * *

Steve had not slept much last night. Dejected, he rolled over on to his back and shifted his eyes longingly to her sleeping form. The tic-tock of a clock set the motion of his gaze. His heart swelled when he considered her beauty. Steve rested his hand over the beat of his heart. He could have sworn it beat just for her. The rise and fall of her chest in slumber, the faint rested breathes from full lips made his cock twitch.

Steve moved closer to her, scooting as near as he possibly could. His large shoulders huddled around her, his skin golden in the blush of the rising sun stood in soft contrast to the silkiness of her skin tone. He tilted his head over her, blue eyes now gray in the morning light caressed her sleeping face.

“You’re so beautiful. You know that? Right? You’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me.” Steve stroked over her soft curls encasing one tendril in his hand. His eyes shifted back to her amazed at how bouncy it felt. She was perfect, right down to her hair.

He wondered if Bucky appreciated her. Did he truly value what a peach she was? Did he watch her every breath, savor the sweat between her thighs, and long to hear her moan like he has? Hydra be damned, he knew the old Buck was in there somewhere. The same man from the hood who couldn’t wait to get his hands on the next girl probably didn’t know what he had.

Steve wondered if Bucky ever conceived how much she would pine for him. He didn’t deserve her. Jealously pulsed through his blood. He didn’t deserve her anyway. He probably treated her like shit. If only he could have protected her. But he also imaged Awenha running away from Bucky too, just like she was doing with him.

“You shouldn’t try to run.” he admonished her sleeping form. “You know I don’t like that honey.”

She had to know that by now. But maybe she liked that he considered. Steve’s eyes soften as he remembered when he caught up to her the first time she tried that shit. She had been scared of him then, ran away with some fruitless plan she made up in her mind. He would always find her, he struck that promise to his heart. He knew her too well, when things got rocky she always tried tear away. But he was confident that no matter where she was he would always be there.

Steve’s hand pulled back the blanket, raked his wondering eyes over her naked chest. She was afraid of him? As she should be and rightfully so, because he belonged to her-just like she belonged to him too. He had made her worship his cock afterwards on that day she ran. Steve smiled remembered her reaction to his punishment, the raised black cherry bruises he had left on her ass, the sad and wanting pitch of her voice when she asked for more. He ground cock against the warm coziness of her thigh and stretched his hand over her chest.

He placed a kiss on the scrape near her mouth. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Honest, it happened so fast.” His hand fell down to her chest.

“I was angry.” Steve pressed his forehead into her temple and breathed in the light scent of chocolate and citrus of her hair. The agony of the night before sat in his chest. “I’ll never hurt the mother of my children again.”

Steve closed his eyes, breathed her in deeper and squeezed one of her breasts in his hands. The thought of her running away again hurt him beyond belief. She was too important. Her life gave him meaning again, she was his, the heart in his chest.

It would be okay, he convinced himself of his restraint. He wouldn’t do what Bucky did and use every drop of the light within her. He swore to God, that she was a gift to his darkness and not to be misused. Steve trailed his fingers down to her belly drawing small circles under the button. He would plant his seed too. But unlike Bucky, he would appreciate her giving love, the thoughtful moments of affections that never passed under his radar. He imagined her larger, pronounced tummy holding their child within continued to strengthen the promise in his hear.

His eyes jerked back up to her as she stirred in her sleep. “That’s right honey.”

Regretfully, he pulled the blanket back over her chest. He dragged his body back to his side of the bed and stood up. His eyes lingered over her as he walked around the bed. He studied the bruise across her cheek. Then shook his head slowly at her reckless behavior.

The clock in the hall began to chime softly behind him. Steve took one last look at her before heading to his satchel.

Steve stretched wide when he walked in to the bathroom, he stood in front of the toilet and took a piss. His eyes vacantly focused on the portrait of a hut in front of a mountain surrounded by teal and purple flowers.

His mood was loosely bound to the anticipation of what she would be like when she finally awoke. Steve did not want to fight again. For sure he was capable of shutting her down, but after last night he was worried that their relationship would turn into something darker.

Steve’s eyes stroked the bottom corner of the frame, there were scuff marks dug into the paint. He shook his dick and grabbed at the large wooden frame. He jerked it off the wall and from behind it, two little boxes of birth control fell out. This was the type of acts that not only defied his efforts but also pulled at the need to inflict his dominion. He picked them up rolled them over in his hand and then replaced them back behind the frame with his own.

She was being stubborn again. And it was his job, as the loving partner he was, to correct her behavior. The expression of quiet acceptance across her face, flashed again in his mind, with his cock in her mouth. Large brown eyes looked up at him, in that moment she remembered, was reminded of her place.

Steve went about cleaning up after their tussle. He hung up the photos, cleaned up the glass, and boxed the broken figurines. He stuffed in the last of the pieces. She always pushed back. His thoughts swept wild throughout his head. For certain, her obstinacy made his cock hard, but that fiery defiance was a problem now. He needed her to understand, hell, acknowledge him even in his authority and the only thing that seemed to work was threat of penalty. 

He placed the box on an already crowded desk in the kitchen. His love, was being careless- he would not accept that any more. Not if she was going to carry his child, soon.

Thinking of the moment when they finally joined, his hand grazed over his stiffing cock. He closed his eyes and delighted in her surprise. Oh how he would shower her with love. To imagine her like that, beautiful and used, made him all the more clingy.

And he was good to her, now. He really was. Rained over her with her flowers, like she deserved, even a few date nights, he made damn sure she was kept in love. Not the dark state he found her in that Bucky had created. Fuck–he was glad he was dead.

Naturally, her acts of defiance goaded his greater sense of self easily. How dare she not accept him on his terms? Why couldn’t she just lie down, and accept his care? Steve shook his head, wiped the hateful thought away and set himself about making her breakfast.


	12. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst

Awenha awoke, stood and then walked to the bathroom to shower. She did it all while the soreness between her legs pulled and ached with every step. Her primary function was to survive, to see another day through. Leading up to her escape she had a steady climb of hope in her heart. Now, it was mostly gone while despair began to settle in.

At least Azie was not here. Awenha’s heart beat a bit faster when she knew her daughter was elsewhere, protected and not seeing her mother in this way.

Mechanically, she shut the door behind her. Not that she truly had privacy, the presence of Steve always hung over her heavy like a foreboding cloud. Passively she registered the smell of his skin as she pulled the frame from the wall. She had to do this, she told her self- another baby couldn’t be born of this and so she swallowed her daily pill.

She started the shower, her eyes fixed on the bottom of the smooth stone covered bottom. Steve’s eyes rested on her mind transporting her to the moment where he hit her. She had fought through. She relished in the small victory. The surprise in his eyes, his sharp intake of breath just before had been the sweetest.

But she had failed to respect the depth of his deviance because the man rarely left much up to chance. And waking up to him inside her, the dampness began to slick her up between her thighs. Shame followed and quickly overtook the pride. It was insanity that her body would react like this, she criticized. But her mind tugged toward the beloved release he gave her. The smoothness of his chiseled chest pressing her into the bed - her breath caught at the thought of his all-consuming infatuation.

It was crazed, out of control, and after a year of it, she could feel the resistance within her break down.

_I could give in_. Awenha’s eyes lingered up against the grain of water pouring from above and stepped in. Hot water bombarded her skin and began to soothe the twinges in her body. She stood there with her hands against the wall and let the near scolding water run over her back. There was a moment where she had surrendered to Bucky too. Uncertain of his intentions and doubting her mind then, with the power of three words she still spoke her love for him. And with those few words opened him up to enacted his deepest desires.

Shaky wet hands rubbed down her face. Better judgment be damned, she had taken Bucky as much as he took from her too. Even with Steve, and his dominating personality could be taken. If given enough time. She rolled the bar of soap within the soft bath towel. The frothy white suds began to spill over her hands. Steve was tender and he had eyes only for her which made him just as supple in her hands as the lather. 

Stiffly she got dressed in a large comfortable sweater, brightly colored tight leggings and threw her hair in a tousled bun on top of her head with a wrap. She walked out of her room with a slight limp as her eyes fell to the now clean hallway.

Anxiously, her skin bristled when she sensed movement further down the hall. From the kitchen, she could hear heavy footsteps sweep back and forth on the scuffed wooden floor. Awenha stepped lightly as her heart began to punch against her chest. When she got to the spot, the place he caught her, Awenha stood frozen. She replayed it in her mind. It was unbelievable to her now that it had led to such a fight.

“Are you hungry?” Steve called out in a soft and lulling voice.

Awenha’s eyes slid away from the rearranged photos and turned toward where his voice had come.

Thick woolen socks scooted across the kitchen floor as she entered. Awenha shifted her eyes looking for the mess. But it was clean with the smell of toast, eggs, and bacon hung thickly within. The chair she had thrown was up against the table in its rightful place. The photographs that were strewn on to the floor were now gone. Steve placed a plate in front of that chair he had forced her to set in the night before.

Steve hitched his hands upon narrow hips and heavy eyes regarded her, beckoning her to follow. He was freshly washed with blond hairs scraping along his brow. He had changed his clothes, she noted, a simple thick black flannel and jeans. Steve’s handsome smooth face greeted her with a round, warm smile.

She obeyed.

Damn, breathtaking. Steve eyes moved over her messy hair and comfy clothes and loved how they looked on her figure. His chest tightened when her dark brown eyes rested on him. Even the hesitation before she walked toward him was endearing. He couldn’t express how much it meant to him that she was aware of his power.

Quick little shallow breaths greeted him when she drew near. He became washed in the scent of sweet Birchwood of her soap. The same heated fragrance that strayed on her thighs. He missed her touch and grew hungry for much more than food. Steve grazed a few knuckles along her neck. Though she flinched, he expressed with an angelic gaze he meant no harm.

Steve moved around her, pulled the chair out for her. A warning gaze met his atoning glare to sit. The tightening of her shoulders loosened as he walked from behind her. He stood next to the chair and like it had physical weight to it she could feel him staring at her.

“Last night was rough,” he said and leaned then pecked her on the temple.

Awenha’s eyes jerked up to Steve with shock.

“Rough?” her voice came out harsher than she had intended.

Steve loomed over her, his darkening eyes matched his malevolent demeanor.

The mouth on this one. Steve took a few seconds to enjoy the fear pass over her features before she dropped her eyes to the table. She didn’t need to fear him, though a healthy dose was doing her some good. He did his best to feel regret, Steve softened as he grazed a finger across her chin forcing her to look back up at him.

There they were; those wondrous big brown eyes. Awenha’s beguiling eyes looking up at him from this angle and with that timid respectful gawk was beginning to ping across his cock.

Inspecting, Steve turned her face gently to the right. He roamed over the bruise across her cheekbone, the scraps along her lips and chin. Regret replaced lust-for now.

“It’s almost healed.” He said approvingly, he dipped in his lips but Awenha recoiled.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said darkly and kissed her on the corner of her mouth.

Steve’s eyes stayed on her. His careful attentions observed her take small bites and shift her food around the plate.

“Eat, hon,” he instructed.

She dropped her fork with a clang on the plate. “How can you act like this?” she asked softly and stared at the smiley face made of bacon.

Steve bristled at the tone of her voice. “Last night, I’m sorry. It just got out of hand.”

The color of her cheeks darkened. “Out of hand?” she parroted him again.

Steve’s voice was affectionate and warm. “I came here because I knew you were leaving.” he looked back at his plate and was crestfallen at the direction this was taking. “I wanted to stop you…” he said.

She pushed the plate away from her and pointed. “I’m leaving because of you –what you’re doing to me!” she shouted.

Steve watched her closely, she started to lose her composure. “Awenha, -“ he persuaded.

“No! This is crazy!” she wagged her hands in the air. “I thought-thought maybe I could-“ she cut herself off and shook her head instead.

Steve turned in the chair toward her, his eyes became transfixed. “Do what?” he breathed.

He saw the emotions tumble over her features from confusion to fear. His eyes fell to the panicked jerk of her chest. Steve grabbed her hand, with the other he stroked the top. “The way you look at his photos. I know I’ve seen you look at me that way too.”

“Bullshit” she sneered and snatched her hand away.

He tightened his fist so hard that the silence between them you could hear the crinkle of his skin.

“You say my name,” he said bitterly. “You know that? When you sleep you moan it.” he bit off angrily. "And it’s my touch that you react too. Me!“ he popped his fist so hard on the table the plates and mugs jumped.

Steve moved so suddenly from the chair Awenha startled to shaking pushed her body back into the chair. He knelt in front of her and put his hands on her thighs.

A chill ran through her when she pulled her eyes down to him. “We’re the same,” Steve’s hypnotic voice spoke up to her as his hands moved up further.

“The two of us. Can’t you see that?” he implored. Awenha’s eyes shifted around his face. He couldn’t read her, but he was certain that most of his words were reaching her. Good, he thought, his love cannot be denied for too long anyway.

Sensing that he nearly had the part of her he wanted the most. He moved one of his hands to cup her face bending her will toward him. “All this fighting, we’re just getting further away from each other.”

Dismay started to grow, hell she was fighting it again and tried to look away. He put both hands on her face renewing her focus. “Am I hard to love?” her eyes suddenly shifted to him. “It’s not so bad.” Steve’s thumbs stroked upon her cheeks, the lulling pattern kept her there. “We get the chance to move forward, together.”

“You hit me.”

She was serious, Steve couldn’t hide the chuckle. “You bit me first.”

Her eyes narrowed ready to spit fire when he spoke.

“Sorry, sorry, I know. “ Steve’s thumb grazed over the bruise on her cheek. “I was rough with you.”

He dropped his hands to hers folded them on top of each other then kissed them never taking his eyes off her.

“My strong girl,” And she was to him, god he loved that so much about her.

He felt one of her hands unfold from within his. Fear from doing without her began to tug at his soul. But dark eyes turned amber in the lighting of the room as she stared at him. Hope rose back into him, swelling his chest with pride, her icy gaze changed to fiery warmth when she leaned in to kiss him.


	13. Trophies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *smut, angst, dubious consent

_December 2022_

The days rolled by, weeks changed into a month and then into happily ever after. At least that was what Steve imaged. Though not her dream, she wanted to strive toward the fairy tale.

They shared Awenha’s home now, mostly. Steve was not fooling around with his promises. He let her retain the minutia of her life, but if she tried anything like before she knew that there would be hell to pay. Naturally, their lives became entwined. Domestic bliss ensued. Steve made it a priority to arrive wherever she was at the end of his daily errands. He would stride in with a tremendously pleasant smile stretched across his lips with flowers or donuts. Other days he would appear at the Outreach on a late work day with takeout and conversation. No matter the conflict between them or the great shame she might have had in accepting Steve. She found herself drawn into his dream and taken by surprise by her appreciation of him.

Today was an off day. Thursdays, he declared, were devoted toward quality.

Awenha kept her time wrapped up with settling the rearrangements a few generations’ worth of knick-knacks. Upstairs was the worst part. She managed to cram most of it in the attic. She walked through the hall way passed few boxes he had carried over. Steve’s possessions were never the usual. No, he collected spent gloves, pens, and the shells of used sketch pads—trophies. So she guessed that’s what awaited her when she opened the box.

The lid flopped over and the light of the hall flooded over it. The entire space within was filled with photos.

Awenha blinked quickly, not sure of what she was looking at, then picked one up. The four by six were in black and white. She glanced back at the box; they were all shades of gray and black.

The photograph was of her; she remembered the day because they were on the roof. Azie’s image was obscured in the background with the large stuffed dog. But the focal point was of the back of her naked thighs in the motion of bending over. A chill swept up her arms, she put the photo back into the box and snapped the lids shut.

~

Steve stepped in with a bundle of flowers in his hand and knowing smile on his face when he entered. Awenha stood at the kitchen sink, a short woolen top cropped above her waist, with a pair of tight gray pants. Steve’s eyes sought out the line of the plumpest part of her wide ass.

She threw a glance over to him, a charming smile and Steve felt ten times taller.

Steve walked over to where she stood placed the flowers on the counter near the sink.

“Did you get finished? Oh! Those are pretty. How was the meeting?” Steve just hummed his answer back as he his hands fidgeted with the elastic band of her pants. “Hey, how did it go?” she asked again and playfully nudged him back with the top of her shoulder.

He was unshakable. Steve dipped his hands underneath the rim a bit. “I’m trying to clean the dishes. I shouldn’t have to—but the stupid machine never works..”

“You should replace it or build a better one.” He said smoothly in her ear.

Steve’s hands began their path up her bare thick waist and underneath the top. “I’m covered in bubbles, what are you doing.” she fussed.

Steve pulled down the front of her bra underneath. Twisted her nipples then pulled on them hard. The perfect lover he had shaped her into she purred under his attentions. “Steve…”

She dropped the sponge. “Don’t stop.” he instructed. His cock strained against the front of his pants, he was aroused by the housewife image. She proceeded to wash the glass and then ran it under water to rinse while he taunted her nipples.

“You’re hot for me aren’t you?” he asked roughly, Steve’s hands ran over her body and clutched her wrists.

He drew her hands behind to his hips. “Keep your hands here.“ he insisted and brushed his bulge into the crack of her ass.

Both of his hands slipped and gripped along her waist then under those tight gray leggings. He pushed passed her underwear, one set of fingers spread her and the others rubbed her clit and slit. The jerk of her hips rocked her forward and her hands left his back.

“No. Don’t you dare move.” he warned. She put her hands back and looked up at him from the corner of her eye. “You move – and you won’t be able to sit for a week.” he began fingering her. “Do you understand?” he ordered.

Mouth stuck in lasting shocked want she nodded.

“Good.” he praised.

Her hands started to shake. Blood rapidly began to pump to her pussy as his fingers filled and moved all around it. She leaned into him, writhed safely into his chest as he fed her want. His fingers and body reminded her well. She was his. Faster, and with more vigor he brought her moaning into her orgasm.

Steve pushed her shoulders forward, pulled at her pants until they exposed the sleek brown skin of her thighs.

“Right here?” she asked frantically. “No..let’s do this lat-“

Steve took a quick step back up to her, pressed his whole body against her back and fisted her curls in his hand. “Shut up.” He declared and pulled her head back unnaturally far. “I don’t care what you want.”

He clawed and grasped at her hips to step back while still holding her hair. He crammed in the toe of his boot between her ankles spreading her thighs.

In those few seconds as he tugged at her hair fear filled her and desperate want. She waited for him to speak. To say anything about the intentions he had to her body. The oppressive silence was stamped with the zip of his fly, small bunching sounds of his slacks, and a small almost inaudible sigh before he sank his way in her.

His furious prodding pace stretched her walls quick. Unraveled moans gargled from her lips. Steve leaned over and clamped her mouth shut. Blow upon blow he pounded her into submission. And for her insolence in telling him when to take her he made it hurt. Steve’s eyes blackened with lust and repressed insecurity as he planted himself inside her shuddering cunt. The vision of her swooped back and the tears pooling on his fingers made his balls ache, he didn’t last long and soon he came inside her.

With a deep dragged out groan his hips sputtered to a halt. His lashes fluttered with fading lust, he focused back on her and dropped his hand from her mouth.

In one soft jerk of his hand he pulled her back against him slipping from her body he whispered in her ear. “Good girl, you were so good taking me like that.”

Steve wrapped both arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck. Her blood still running hot she turned around in his warm arms. Shaky fingers brushed at the stubble on his jaw and brought him in to her kiss. The taste of salt and tepid moss melted into her lips along with the hope that she satisfied him for now.

She pulled back, adoration beamed back brightly up at him. “You missed me bad?” he teased and slapped her on the ass. A simple smile was her reply. Steve kissed the corner of her mouth. Then he tucked in himself back into his slacks as his eyes roam down to her bare thighs. He leaned in helping her pull the gray leggings back up. “I’ll finish the dishes.” he laughed softly and began to roll his sleeves up to his elbows.

Awenha stepped aside, still dizzy and reeling when her beads buzzed. The image of Azie unfolded up in the air above her wrist. High soft puffs of hair in pig-tails, her bright brown face and dimpled chin smiled back.

“Mama! I just wanted to say hi and I miss you!” she squeaked then moved her arms in a little dance.

Awenha’s eyes instantly covered in unshed tears. “Hey, love! Were you busy today? It’s almost bed time.”

She twisted up her lips, made a funny face. “I know! I love you.”

“Love you too Azie.” said Awenha, she lived in the moment absorbing every detail of her daughter’s face.

She waved big, with both hands as the image transformed into a white haired woman with noble features. Ramonda’s sharp regal face with affectionate eyes peered back at her lovingly.

Awenha’s eyes shifted to Steve. He was not looking at her, but no doubt he was listening closely.

Full lips separated in a smile as she spoke. “Awenha. How are you?”

She stepped away, out into the entry way. “I’m fine.” She glanced back at Steve then back to Ramonda. “Had a day at the outreach.” she lied with a shrug.

The older woman nodded then narrowed her eyes. “It’s good you have found a place there. However, you are thoroughly missed here.” smiled Ramonda. “And not only by your daughter.”

“I miss you too.” She cleared her voice. Then threw her voice low and impersonated Okoye’s decisive tone. “So how was the Queen today?” she laughed afterwards, as did Ramonda, but the levity of the moment did not take her sadness away.

* * *

Steve and Awenha pass by snow covered dogwood and oak trees on their way up the winding road to Tony’s house. Secluded and secure the man made sure his family home was their own. Hot air blasted through the a/c, Steve had one hand on the wheel as he turned his eyes to Awenha for a second then back to the road.

She was always naturally quiet, reserved, introverted, but this was something else. She stared out of the window, long black curls draped over her shoulders and spilling to her chest. A few sighs passed between them under the crooning of jingle bells on the radio.

“My mother always made this time of year special.” said Steve, softly. “She made sure to get me a few of these shell shaped butter cookies. We didn’t have much, but she made up for it with love.”

Awenha turned head toward him. He scanned the road, but his eyes were light and lost in thought.

Steve shook his head, like he was tossing out the memory out of his head. “My father-he wasn’t so good.” He glanced at her. “But she made the holidays great. Makes me like it too.”

“What was her name?”

Steve rolled his jaw as if chewing the name around in his mouth before he spoke. “Sarah.”

Awenha slowly moved her hand across the space and placed it over his. “She sounds like an angel.”

Steve held her in his focus for a few seconds then turned back to the road. “Sometimes, you remind me of her.”

~~

The Stark cabin was every bit a mix of Tony and Pepper, sleek wood met rows of windows and the décor was cozy and rustic. Pepper shouted a half ‘come in’ then Steve and Awenha let themselves in. “Did Tony tell you to bring extra clothes? He told you right?”

Steve finished hanging up their jackets and stopped next to Awenha. “Yes, I’ll go and get them later.” He said with a small smile. He gestured from her then back toward them. “Pepper this is Awenha.”

Pepper held out her hand and stepped forward and shook her hand. “I’m covered in flour-but you should see the tarts.”

Pepper placed a hand on Awenha’s back ushering her to join. “Tony’s over there.” And pointed toward the closed windowed study.

The five of them sat around the Stark table. Morgan sat next to Tony who sat across from Awenha. Pepper leaned back at the head of the table watching Tony with an amused smile.

“Canada’s doing it now.” said Tony with a mouthful. “They don’t have enough people to support the infrastructure. So they are forcing people to learn another trade. It’s ridiculous.”

“Sounds like something the USA should do.” said Steve, he hung his arm by a few fingers on the corner of Awenha’s chair.

Tony smiled short, then to light contempt. “For someone who is all about freedom and apple pie, Cap- that sure does sound like a dictatorship.” he clipped off then he winked at Steve as he took a drink of his water.

Awenha’s eyes slid to Steve. Blotchy pink patches were growing around his jaw line.

“It’s not if it works.” he shrugged, refusing to Tony have the last word.

“So the ends justify the means?” Tony’s snarky remark traveled up from his brows and across the lines on his forehead. “Well that’s starting to sound familiar.”

It was subtle the brooding clear eyed tenacity Steve would express only when he was challenged.

“No. But if that’s what it takes to make sure people have jobs, and livelihood then a bit of discomfort won’t hurt them.” he glanced at Awenha.

Tony’s fleeting look toward Awenha rounded back on Steve and glared. “Your generation really just likes to dole out entitlement whenever they saw fit.” He wiped his mouth then tossed the napkin on the plate. “Please may we have some more…” he clasped his hands like he prayed to god then smirked at Steve.

“They were up against the odds of surviving another day.” interrupted Awenha in a soft but loyal voice. “It’s not like we haven’t had similar stakes.” Then she turned to Steve, who was watching her approvingly.

~~~~~~

“I gotta take this. I’ll be right back.” Steve paced to the next room. Another one of the members called upset over the holidays.

Morgan came running into through the kitchen her pj top flying in the air. “But if I go to bed now, I can see Santa Claus!” Pepper stalked to the other side and intercepted Morgan and picked her up.

“Say goodnight to our guests.” drawled Pepper as she strolled from the kitchen.

“Goodnight guests!!” she called back.

“Gotta go to bed or Santa will give your toys away” Tony tossed back, and Morgan laughed after as they walked up the stairs to the second floor.

“You don’t have to help.” Said Tony and handed her a drying towel. “You’re a guest.” And he smirked.

He was light, refreshing and nothing like Awenha imagined the great Tony Stark to be. He was easy to bounce through a conversation with, his insight often followed snark. It was a welcomed shift.

“I know you. Well-know of you. Wakandan right?” he asked and handed a tub of leftovers to her.

She walked the rest of them staked three deep to the fridge and called. “Yes.” softly over her shoulder.

“You were the lab rat doing hard time on floor 12, section 3 when Barnes got out.”

Awenha suddenly stopped drying the plate in her hand and sat it in the rack. She folded curls behind her hair as she turned to Tony. He busied himself briskly wiping the counter. She couldn’t tell if he was waiting for her to answer or react.

He goes with reaction. “So- you lived with Barnes and now with Steve.” Tony folded the towel and leaned over the counter. “How’s that working out for ya?”

Her eyes whirled from the ground to the counter trying to think of how to respond. “Do you know Steve?” she asked. “Really know him?”

“Sure.” he shrugged and rested his chin on his knuckles.

“Then you shouldn’t have to ask.” she said.


	14. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dubious consent, smut, cursing.

The black, silver, and crimson checker décor met ancient cheesy Italian splendor. Steve and Awenha sat next to each other in a corner booth with a long red cloth covering the table. At the center a basket of hot bread sticks sat waiting and a few glasses of cool water.

They waited for Azie to arrive with her noisy crafter group in her favorite pizzeria. Steve ever the multitasking captain had staggered another meeting with VA members to celebrate a few milestones they had achieved. A mix of people sat in front of them in chairs of their own while Steve and Awenha occupied the L shaped booth.

Awenha took a long sip from her water and reached for a salty flaky breadstick. A raspy, slack jawed older man grumbled toward Steve. “I will never accept that! You can’t replace the team.”

Awenha ignored them for the most part. Her eyes wandered to the door every so often then back to Steve who could carry on a discussion with a fish and had no issue now coming up with topics.

She stared at the waitress glaring disdainfully at her customer. The woman looked up at her shook the menu then thrust it into the waitress’s hand.

A boisterous laugh from the other side of the parlor shifted her gaze. Suddenly a weight sat heavy, warm on her thigh. Steve was still speaking intently at the worn faced man as his hand deliberately began to pull up the hem of her dress bit by bit.

The man was speaking when Steve briefly leaned in, with his lips near her ear, spoke softly and with certainty.

“I’ll finger you under the table, but you gotta promise not to make a sound my little slut.”

He turned back to the man put his elbow on the table and motioned in conversation. Awenha sat watching him, then shifted to the man and tried to pay attention to the topic. Sure to his word Steve’s fingers rocked back and forth to push her panties to the side and began stroking long circles around her clit.

The bread stick dropped to the table. Brown eyes bulged as again and again he drew circles around her clit. She shifted one of her hands to his wrist, beseeching eyes fixated on Steve’s honey kissed skin along his jaw line. The result was furious hard rubbing and then dragged his fingers along the folds of her crevice.

She strained her neck back and forth then glared out of the window across the lively diner. He knew her body so effectively. Steve stroked the taut and tender surfaces of her clit. Using the instinct he had instructed in her, Awenha was slick already under his fingers. She cleared her throat, wiggled a bit in on the spot and tried to push curls out of her face, anything to divert from the thought of lust. The most well known man in the world was sitting next to her, and every once in a while a fan would drop in- he would force them to shake the hand he gave them all the while fingering her deftly. Awenha tried to concentrate on the discussion. She shuffled her legs further open—a slight smile drew across his face when he peered back at her.

She took a sip of her water then leaned her elbows on the table, her breathing grew hollow and over worked Awenha then covered her mouth and slid her eyes to Steve. His fingers plunged back into her a distinct gasp escaped behind the mask of her fingers.

She was gloriously wet and bogged around his thick fingers. “Right honey?” said Steve, he turned and looked at her along with the rest of the table.

Awenha cleared her throat, focused on Steve’s satisfied smile. “Huh?”

“You sent the form in for new allocations? “ he asked knowingly.

Her eyes darted to their faces then back to Steve. She thought fast through the sense of cumming, and tried to recall if the forms were indeed in the mail. About to speak Steve plunged three fingers up inside of her. “Yes!” she half shouted immediately. “I did. Should be a few weeks!” she said over eagerly.

The glowing light from above welled around the boundaries of his eyes sockets and pooled dark shadows around his cheekbones. “Good job.” he said appraisingly.

The conversation moved on between the people as Steve’s eyes remained locked on Awenha. Quick prodding flowed by a sequence of carefully placed swipes with his thumb she sank her face into damp palms. The gentlest of moans floated from her lips as she gyrated through short spurts of her orgasm.

~

She tried hard to concentrate. Between the slick between her parts and the occasional bickering between Steve and Azie it was difficult.

Was it really bickering? Steve was a push over when it came to Azie. Though he did put up a great front, he never truly meant most of the retorts he said. She wanted to give him a gift. But their small family had seen many of Azie’s gifts peppered throughout the house.

He let the little girl raise her hand over his watch. As with the television his parts of his watch came apart and hovered delicately above his wrist. Gold flakes and metal rearranged into a small starry shield upon the side of the face of the watch.

“Now it’s prettier Steeb.” She smiled brightly up at him, pecked his cheek and hopped out of his lap.

Awenha watched Steve stare at it. He was motionless in his curiosity. But quickly his head shot up to her. “It’s beautiful Azie.” He smiled. “Thank you.”

Delighted with his answer Azie picked up her crafter tote and headed toward her room.

“She’s unbelievable.”

Awenha pushed her skirt between her thighs and sat in the cushioned chair next to him.

“The best.” she said with a grin.

“Was Bucky good with her?” it was the first time in a year he had spoken of his best friend, so Awenha listened attentively.

Steve grew serious. “Like me? Did he take to being a father?”

Awenha nodded slowly, kept her eyes fixated on Steve’s smooth unaged skin and beautiful lips.

“He was wonderful. The happiest I had ever known him to be was when he held Azie.”

Seemingly not contented with her answer Steve leaned backward and peered at her indifferently.

“Like you—yes.” she added.

* * *

Her body was overworked. Another orgasm painfully pulled from her. Maybe she should have acknowledged him quicker. She squeezed her eyes shut. Perhaps given him more to reflect about when he compared himself to Bucky.

Steve’s slick backed dirty blonde hair bobbed up and down between her legs. An hour had passed and a thousand sensations later he continued at the torture of her slit. Overly sensitive white-hot aches shot through her bud. She jerked at the slightest contact, she had multiple orgasms by now and the ruthless machinations of his mouth only made her suffer. Tears spilled from her eyes followed by sobbing moans to stop. Tired muscles tensed against the ropes.

What did he want? Her mind raced and stumbled over explanations that could have provoked him. She had given him what he wanted. Her body. Though her mind was slowly following. Wasn’t it enough to say he was a good father?

Bound with thin rope, her voice suppressed by wadded up moist panties now soaked with spit in her mouth, she shuddered all over when another orgasm rolled over her. He was merciless tonight.

His voice was unapologetically callous and smooth. “I wanted you wet for me.”

Cool air blew over the aroused and sensitive skin of her cunt. The bed dipped at each of her ankles as he untied them. Steve lay between her legs ran his palms and fingers from her bound wrists above, over her face, down her throat and grasped her breasts then squeezed. “For what I’m about to do to you.”

“But first,” he withdrew the fabric from her mouth. “I want you to beg me for it.”

Awenha rolled her head back and forth a sob rattled from her chest. The weight of his cock laid heavy on the chub of her abdomen. Watery eyes struggled to stare at him, the mix of hate and ruthless lust in them filled her center with arousal for him.

“No, I don’t—don’t want it..” she choked out weakly.

His hips rolled over her and she felt the broad wide tip of his cock press against her entrance. “That’s not what your body says.”

Another volley of tears spilled from her eyes. “God, I love it when you cry.” he groaned and pushed in the tip.

Steve folded his arms around her chest hot skin met even searing flesh when he pushed himself against her tighter. “Say it, honey…” he murmured into her ear.

She stared at the shadowy ceiling, and accepted the ache from within—she was what he created her to be. His girl. His love. “Please fuck me…” she broke down.

A gasp from warm lips fanned across her temple. “That’s it honey- tell me again.”

“Steve, fuck me please!” she said through tears.

He thrust the long veiny length of himself far into her. She faded into him. He felt like heaven, stuffing her full and making her whole again. She was made anew for him. And she relished in his gift.

His violently brutal pace rocked into her body. He fucked her for trying to escape all those times. He fucked her for the lies. But mostly he fucked her for her memories, the ones of Bucky.

Steve felt his cock harden his balls pulled in tense.

Ya. The ones were she held the happiest ones close to her soul. Steve roughly seized and forced her legs up and wide then settled into thumping her hard.

Steve couldn’t just let this pass. The resentment was devouring him alive and reinforcing the stiffness of his cock. Instead he let the fantasies rock around in his brain driving himself over and over into her sopping pussy.

Her ragged whimpers fumbled into the night pulled at his heart. He wanted to stop. Give her some of his mercy. But he refused to acknowledge his jealousy.

He came just at the thought of Bucky kissing those beautiful full lips. Those belonged to him now. Another load shot from his cock. She wouldn’t have to fret about walking on eggshells anymore around Bucky. She was with him now.

The chant of her moans, and desperate wet pleas soothed his senses. And justified his behavior.

Steve looked down at beautiful eyes peered back up at him. They weren’t empty but generously full of life to his dark pleasure. He gave her so much of him. And she was the good girl he trained her to be. She was creating a life with him now.

So he could give her brand new memories.


	15. Helix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *obsessive behavior

_Summer 2023_

_Hot, muggy summer arrived with a sizzle. The biggest watermelons Awenha had seen in a year became her focus for a moment. She could detect the sweet, nectar filled goodness and the bitterness of the rind._

_Azie threw in an armful of pears. She could smell those too. The syrupy fragrance grated across her senses like sand it got stuck in all the wrong places. She felt her stomach lurch. It was an odd, dreamy hallow sensation puddled at the bottom of her gut._

_It was familiar._

_When they arrived home she did not wait one moment after stepping in. Awenha walked to her bedroom squeezed her beads for a health report. There it was. An alien looking speck hung in the air above her wrists. She was pregnant._

Steve’s attitude was off. Listless but cuttingly aware and just as dangerous the usual cheery smile he greeted her with was gone. With hard slanted slit for a smile, he didn’t bother to tell her reason for the mood. He poked at his meal. When Azie spoke he listened. Of course the truth of his mood was somewhere in the middle, Awenha decided that for now his hard eyes could be ignored.

“This is great.” He said then stabbed a piece of chicken and stuck it into his mouth.

Drawn back into his dominating energy. She coolly observed the smoothness of his fawn skin. It was notorious for retaining the wholesome angelic facade he used on the public. If only the world knew that hell lingered inside him. They might not worship him.

He cut his eyes toward her and with them his designs upon her. From the head of the table she could see the desire in his devilish eyes. She decided right then to keep her secret. The idea of adding to his delight made her stomach lurch.

Steve picked up his plate, then Awenha’s. “What did you do today?” he asked and popped the last of her chicken into his mouth.

The sound of dishes meeting the sink clunked behind her.

Awenha stood from the table and then glanced back at Steve rolling up his sleeves. “The fruit market was open today. It’s been a while since they’ve had great produce. So we decided to take a break and go.”

Azie moved from the table. Awenha’s brows arched high and flicked of her pointer finger at the plate. Azie picked it up. She dragged her feet to the sink with attitude in tow. “Ya, mom was sick.” she sunk the plate into the dish water. Azie stepped to the side and grabbed a piece of fruit from the basket. “But I got pears!” and bit into it while she walked from the room.

Awenha carried the glasses with her as Azie walked away. Steve leaned a soapy wet hand on the sink, the other at his hip. “You okay?” asked Steve. His tone was calm, but his eyes inspected her body.

“Never better.” she lied, then stepped in close to put the glasses into the sink.

From the corner of her eye, Steve was studying her face. Fully accepting his astute abilities Awenha did not shy from it.

She tilted her head up, looked him in the eyes and then leaned in and pecked on the base of his jaw.

* * *

Students gathered around Awenha. The basement laboratory was crowded for another day. Each stood close together in the small chamber, shoulder to shoulder as they preened their ears to listen.

“And what’s the first rule?”

“Safety checks!” a woman called back.

Awenha pointed, nodded approvingly then glanced at the nervous faces of the group.

“I cannot express this enough. If you do not check, then double check you have no place here.”

She squeezed through the crowd toward the clear blast window. On the other side stood Steve with Azie as they waited for her class to complete. Azie waved big, wide with both hands. Awenha smiled and blew her a kiss.

“Alright let’s take this from the top one more time.”

“Darry, secure the meter. Everyone else get out. Then you follow Darry.”

She had done this at least a half dozen times. Through the years scientist took turns modeling the wavelengths of plasma dynamics. And this was her time, once again. Her fingers moved over the buttons, dials, and switches.

She glanced to the left as Darry exited through the large metal door.

“The spiral will initiate from the center chamber. You see.”

The corkscrew iron and vibranium spiral spun and whooshed in the middle of the chamber. Within the center of the helix green, purple, and white hues flooded out.

“As we saw before, the more atomized particles within the air—“

It was high pitched. A sound only she could recognize in the resonating lathe began to knock. Awenha turned back to the controls. It appeared straight along the baseline but still the sound persisted. Flexing the advice she had given her students Awenha quickly went about shutting the spiral down.

The frequency of noises increased as she completed the shut down sequences.

She whirled back around, her eyes flitted between the base of the spiral the thick cords running away from it, to the panel to stall the power just on the other side of it.

“We have a problem here.” she announced and turned to look at her students.

Steve’s eyes, hard and his concern for her became untethered as he crashed through the crowd and into the antechamber.

Awenha is already across the room when a blast of energy flashed and flooded the room. Silver arches of ropey discharge strike out at random.

“What are you doing?” he shouted over the now freight train whirling within the room.

She disappeared behind the helix, then appeared on the other side. A tight tendril lashed out behind her when she finally hit the shut off box.

Steve ran the short distance, crashed into her, holding her afraid of what could have occurred.

“This isn’t worth dying for!” he chastised and brushed away at her fly-aways.

“I had to stop it by any means necessary Steve!” she tossed back and then looked toward the blast window. “It could have destroyed half the building. Let it go!”

Worried dark eyes shifted back up to Steve. He was watching her, the concern had vanished and anger etched around his eyes and brows.

Steve moved between her and the window, broad shoulders and the corded muscles of his body loomed toward her.

“Don’t make me lock you away.” His tone was calm, it deceived the possessive roaming of his eyes. Needy, he held her face in his hands and pulled her in closer. Steve’s hot breath puffed across her lips. “I’ll do it. You know I will.”

Use to getting his way Steve met no resistance when he kissed her on the cheek. “You won’t try this again.” He pulled back and then glared at her. “Say it.”

Desperate to calm him, she wrapped her hands softly around his. “Steve, I won’t.” She said imploringly but Steve continued to press in upon her. “Please,” she asked, small and quietly.

She imaged the thoughts of her students, wondering what this looked like. And then she remembered Azie there with them. So little, worried, and lost at what had just taken place.

“I’ll stay up in my lab. Okay.” Her hands slid to his wrists. “I’ll do as you ask. I’ll be safe there.”

Satisfied, Steve kissed her on the mouth before he spoke. Smooth, sweet his words rolled from his tongue. “That’s my girl.”


	16. Wistful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *angst

_Sept 2023_

The trio walked home from lunch at the five dollar diner two blocks away. The air was crisp. You could smell winter rolling within it, fresh. Steve wrapped a warm arm around her shoulder. Their hips bumped together as they walk. Azie half walked and twirled front of them licking at the melting double scoop of marble chocolate ice cream.

It looked happy. Awenha twisted her eyes up at Steve, leaning for a few seconds upon his arm before dropping forward toward Azie. He was funny today, she giggled which rolled into a laugh. She’s never chuckled harder than at that moment. The feeling was strange. In those tentative moments she felt sane, that Steve wasn’t this imposing weight in her life.

Her brown eyes glanced back to him. White teeth shined passed through drawn up corners of his mouth. A blush settled into the apple of his cheeks and azure colored eyes beamed back at her. He continued his story with light quick punch lines that drew more chuckles from her. He just knew she was smitten.

Steve allowed the warmth of contentment to wrap around him, but he wished he felt pleased. But he conceded that it was only a matter of time. Unscathed, the resent settled behind the feeling of happiness of the moment. Steve’s eyes hovered over her lovely bright dimpled smile. One day she would tell him. Maybe tomorrow or perhaps a week from now Awenha would have to. Steve imaged staring at her with gentle surprise when she finally spoke of her secret. For now, he had her, closer than he had ever hoped and so he cherished it. The moment was priceless.

He would not ruin it with his own insecurity, even though he was busting at the seams with it.

Steve pulled her in closer by the hold he had on her shoulders, he kissed her hard as they walked and quickly fell back into step together.

* * *

Water licked the sides of her thighs. Hot enough to boil shrimp she floated in it soaked the heat up into her bones.

Curly hair knotted at the top of her head she leaned against the lid of the white iron tub.

Hands wrinkled, saturated from her hot bath rub over her belly. Her eyes grazed over the beginnings of a bump. Their baby grew there.

She fought with the reality of it. She warred with the love that she felt.

She imagined the picture of a boy. Flaxen tips to black brown roots and a giddy boyish smile he inherited from his father. Golden brown skin with warm undertones and angled features for days. He grew tall and strong. Ferocious and determined curbed by gentle concern. She would make sure of that and he would the envy of many.

Placid eyes lingered lower to her thigh sticking out of the water. Plum and peach colored bruises left by callous hands trailed from the outside in. She rested her hands there on the small swell of her abdomen and closed her eyes.

Love is fear. It’s falling, burning, and crumbling to pieces the old versions of self.

Steve was heaven and hell in one person. Crazed and centered, he both lifted her up and smashed her down. Steve was fearless, powerful, and perilous.

Fuck, she loved it. A part of her had to adore the violence that engulfed her.

He made her. He created her to be the vessel to pour his depravity into. And she took it, with her body and with her mind. She brought it in deep. It made her hurt to love him though. If that was love. She didn’t know anymore. But passed the fear, the trauma and the past—she could try. At least make a show of it, she had little choice otherwise.

Awenha’s hands slipped from her stomach into the water warming them to hot she brought them to her face. Balmy water and tears mixed together.

* * *

_Oct 2023_

He was a vision of fire, smoke, and icy resilience.

Steve stared into the flames, tossed in the last. He took in the melt of them, spreading out to the bottom of the barrel over wood and coal.

By the dozens, golden sparks floated up like dazzling weightless yellow sapphires into the cool air.

The mantle of night shaded full lips, and shadowed hallow lines alone his cheek bones washed out the rest of his features. He would have to tell her. He wanted to be the one to bring the good news.

It didn’t feel like good news.

Steve checked his watch, the tiny shield glinted in the corner. They should be home by now.

He watched the tendrils of flames reach up again as the fire grew big when it consumed the box he tossed in.

Steve retreated a few steps back. He let the warmth billow over him for a few moments and imaged it being the heat of her thighs. Jealousy beginning to gnaw at him Steve then turned around and walked back into the house.

Steve entered the kitchen to Awenha and Azie buzzed around the table setting plates for the large boxed pizza in the center.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and took in the sight. He stained the image into his mind.

Awenha turned, she said something to him but he couldn’t hear her voice over the roar of his heart. She was standing in front of him when he finally came too. The warmth of her hands on his face focused his lost eyes to her center.

“What’s wrong? You smell like smoke…” she said and rubbed her hand down his neck.

Steve motioned with the jerk of his head to the hallway. The familiar pit in her stomach, it was always there and now only grew heavier as she followed him.

Half way down the hall, Steve pulled her by her forearm ahead of him “I know you’re pregnant.” he said from behind her.

She did not turn immediately. The warmth of his body pressed in on her back, the smell of pungent smoke filled her nose. “Why haven’t you told me?” he demanded.

Trying to be wise with her words but not caring about the repercussions she turned to him defiantly. “You wanted it.” she bit off. “So I wanted to hurt you because I didn’t.”

She waited for the inevitable moment Steve would go off.

But he didn’t. He stared down at her, the darkness around his eyes from the hallway light above spread over his face when he moved closer in. “Do you still feel that way?” he asked.

She wanted it her way. Or nothing at all. His eyes were still glued to her waiting for the answer. He was surly in the few seconds it took her to reply. At least she was in control of this. Heart-pounding and nerve wracking she could own this instant.

“No.” she said.

Steve appeared to relax at her answer. But he walked passed her with frailty filling his eyes. She him followed again.

“Can I eat this pizza or WHAT?” yelled Azie from the table. “Yes!” shouted Awenha back and touched Steve’s shoulder to stop him.

“This is a weird situation. You have to understand that…”

Steve took a few steps deeper into the wall. “I’m sorry, Steve.” she said right behind him. “I had to take my time. I matter too!” she hissed.

The wind from Steve turning back toward hit her with the smell of cool smoke. He kissed her and then cupped her face in his hands. “You mean everything to me.” he whispered upon her lips. “I know—I’m fucked up. I put you through a lot.” Steve kissed her again. “I just wanted you.”

He let go of her, leaned against the wall and studied her.

“We have a plan to bring them back.” he said flatly.

Awenha tilted her head slightly. “Everyone.” he added.

Blankly she stared at him, slowly the realization and what this meant drifted across her features. With a gasp her hands covered the part in her lips.

Steve’s arms rested over his chest. His eyes turned chilly, though curious.

“You want him back?” he muttered around tight lips.

She nodded, dropped her hands and glared at him. “Yes.” She stepped back up to him, frustration coated her tone. “Do you not want him back? He’s your friend and he’s Azie’s father.”

Steve stood, bringing himself to his full height. “And yours.” he said quietly, judging.

He took the step between them, his knuckles gracefully ran under her chin before swiping a thumb over her lips. He stared back her, the shape of his eyes painfully held her gaze before he spoke.

“Am I yours?” the tremble in his voice carried to his hand as it dropped.

He stared into her. His sadness pinned her emotions in her throat. Unwavering devotion rested in his sigh as his eyes stroked the lines of her mouth. And then something she was not use to seeing in Steve passed in his eyes when they sunk to the floor- insecurity.

The moment passed and before she could react Steve strode away from her. His straight shoulders hunched his strides landed heavy and echoed in her ears as he swung open the front door and walked out.

~

Tanned bits of black burned box stuck up from metal pit.

Awenha leaned in, drew her arms closer to her body as the fall air turned cold as she stood there.

In the dark she peered into the blackness. She leaned over a glint caught her eyes.

One hand left the comfort of warmth to pluck the thin floppy material from the unburned lid.

It was half eaten by flames, bubbled and cracked across the face of the glossy finish. It was a photograph. The black and white style he loved she recognized it as another photo of herself.


	17. Facility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst

After Steve left her home, Awenha did not hear from him. And with his departure he left her with a strange sense of emptiness. Unsettled and off kilter with her place in the world, she and Azie began the drive to the Avenger Facility.

Azie rocked and bobbed her head to the music on the radio. Unfazed by the surrounding events she started to sing lightly to the song.

Awenha listened, and enjoyed her voice. But time felt slow. She glanced at the clock in the dash and rolled her eyes back to the road. Agonizingly sluggish they were only five miles away but it might as well been one hundred.

In her thoughts deep, she swerved hard when the beads on her wrist buzzed. Hurriedly she pulled off on the shoulder and activated them.

“Where are you going? I told you _not_ to go anywhere near that facility Awenha Tiakan.”

General Okoye, robed in her commanding red armor rolled up into focus.

“I have not heard a single thing from anyone. I want to be there.”

Okoye softened; she turned and smiled toward Azie who waved.

“We are on standby. Any moment they will attempt it.”

Awenha put the car in drive then sped off with Okoye still hanging above her wrist.

“They have the stones!” she hissed and stared straight at the road that began to wind in front of them.

“Yes. It could be dangerous. Which is why I told you not to be there?” Okoye’s temper slipped and batted away toward Awenha. “Ah, but you never listen.”

She began to focus on the strong chiseled jaw wreathed in a dark beard. Eyes the color of glaciers but soft enough to melt her sprang into her mind. Bucky, her Bucky would soon be alive.

“Have you considered all of this might not work?” the uncertainty in Okoye’s voice drew her eyes back to the floating image.

Awenha had not allowed her mind to consider that. She glanced at Azie the girls eyes widened she pointed with her mouth open toward the windshield.

Awenha whipped her head back straight. A man stood in the road. She jerked the wheel to the right and missed him by a few feet. They drove seventy miles per hours straight on to the shoulder, down into a ditch she pressed brakes and suddenly came to a stop at a tree.

Fight had taken over. Her hands fumbled over to Azie who stared back her wide eyed in terror.

“Awenha!”

“Azie are you okay? Baby, speak to me.” The girl nodded and reached for Awenha.

She held her wrist up Okoye was still there. “Are you okay?” she asked hurriedly. Awenha nodded and started to speak but was cut off. “They are back! I must go. Please stay there.”

The image folded back into the bead.

Awenha opened her door to several people wandering over to their car. She walked around and helped Azie out then walked back to the rear of it.

“Where’s my car? What happened? Do you know what is going on here?” the questions came from a few but before she had a chance to explain they were rocked off their feet. Azie threw her arms around Awenha’s waist as she hung on to the car.

“Oh my God!! What is that!” screamed an older woman.

A man dressed in a suit pointed at up. “Freakin’ aliens!” he shouted.

Awenha’s eyes pulled up to the sky. The mask of blue sky laid hazily over the outline of a large ship. Fiery missiles rained down upon the water, buildings, and the people within.

* * *

Thick black smoke began to settle above the hole that was now the Avenger Facility.

Azie held on to Awenha’s hand as the two of them guided a few people toward the battle field. The acrid odor of singed trees and burned earth swirled around them. From the left of the group, the sleek gray belly of a Wakandan Talon Fighter descended.

Whirling, the engine idled a few yard away from the group. The people yelled and shouted as they ran passed them. Awenha squeezed Azie’s hand. She hoped it would be Bucky. That he had come to rescue them and find them despite the destruction. The stories she told about her father came crashing into reality. She hoped the girl remembered his loving arms, the good-night kisses, and the soft lullabies he sang to her.

And when the hull cracked open, the ramp slowly fell open her breath came deep from her lungs. The people crowded around the descending ramp.

Bucky jumped off the ramp before it had touched dirt and came running then strode fast toward his family. Raw, unabashed love Bucky scooped up Awenha by the waist and held her close. The desperation of his embrace tampered only by his overwhelming need for contact had him sweeping her toes above the ground.

She had held it in up until this moment. The sob shook from her, violently she cried out in a whine. Her hands buried into the back of whips of long brown hair. She pressed her face into his neck the power of his arms squeezed her in and she sobbed in short fits of tears. He smelled of smoke, of mayhem, and sweaty victory. It was Bucky, she could not believe it. After five years he was standing here warm and safe in her arms.

“Dad?” a small voice came from their side. “Dad?” she began to cry.

Bucky looked down, red-rimmed eyes stared at the girl. “Winnie?” he took a step back weakly from Awenha, he placed his hand over his heart. He looked at her like she was a sight to behold and kneeled down beside her. “Baby?” tentatively his thick metal fingers rolled her braids around gently.

Cheeks on fire and covered in tears mouthed _daddy_ wordlessly.

Azie fell into his arms, she clung to him as big thick tears rolled down her cheeks. Stilled with shock Bucky finally closed his arms around her.

* * *

The drop in her gut plummeted further the closer Steve approached. Her nerves rattled and shook inside her skin. Eyes as wide as saucers stared him down in his patriotic blues, dirt smeared face engraved with sweat and possibly tears.

Stringing together her nerves she spoke. “Glad to see you in one piece Steve.” she spoke clear, and with slight cheer. Steve charismatically nodded toward her with a small smile.

The breath she held breezed silently out. She turned her eyes to the people they had recovered, they stayed together chatting in a huddle. Sam Wilson strode toward them with authority. She could not hear what he said, his hands gestured into the air and he nodded before waving them off to join their small group.

“Tony has a house down the road. I think most of them are headed there.” said Steve.

“We’ll be there.” said Bucky and shared a glance with Awenha.

“You have a daughter?” Sam lightly shouted and cutting Bucky off. He crossed his arms shock arched in his brows and his eyes shifted between the three of them.

Azie waved. “Hi.” she said proudly with a bright smile. Sam untucked a large dirty hand from his arm and waved lightly.

“And a beautiful little person she is.” Thor interrupted as he stomped up to them. Larger than she remembered him, he was no less daunting. He stood towering, just as dusty as the rest and peered at Steve.

“Steve the others wish to find food. I told them you were familiar in this region and would know where to go. And you would also know where to find beer.”

Clint Burton also arrived. Tired dark teal eyes glanced over toward their trio, a creased grin pulled at the corner of his lips.

“I’m going home.” He spoke toward Steve. “I have some catching up to do.”

“Could you drop that lot off in the nearest town?” asked Sam and hooked a thumb behind him toward the group of civilians.

Clint jerked his chin up and walked passed Sam a few feet. “Your ride leaves in five minutes. Get a move on.”

Clint turned around; his eyes swept over them then back to Steve. “But I will be back, got to I owe him much more.” he said.

They piled on to the Talon Fighter. Advanced, though the interior soon filled to capacity. Awenha took the last seat next to a flat hub panel, Azie sat next to her followed by Bucky on the other side. Thor remained standing casually asked the Wakandan warrior if there was beer. Bruce also stood as he tended to his injuries. Scott Lang and Hope Van Dime took seats across from them. And Wanda, lost in thought sat directly across from them staring dreamily at the floor.

His body heat alerted her before she felt the bulk of his suit swipe against her arm. Steve sat next to her on the flat surface. Above her he turned his head toward her. Hunched over with his large arms stretched out on his knees he regarded her not bothering to acknowledge Bucky sitting only one seat away. Somehow she had held out hope that Steve would catch on and take the brush off.

“Are you glad to see me?” he spoke serenely, the soft hum of the engine masked the pitch of his voice. Only she could hear him and he stared at her mouth. “I guess we’ll have to find out if that sweet little pussy is.”

* * *

Awenha pulled at the pizza crust on her plate and took a small bite. She had trouble swallowing. Steve had managed to position himself, yet again, near her at the head of the table while Bucky sat across from her and Thor at her side. The drought in her mouth further impeded the sound of her voice. She grabbed the glass and expected it to wash down the ash in her mouth.

The voices blended together in a soft mumble throughout the common area. Not that she was paying much attention to the conversation at the moment. She could not even look at Steve. With his occasional weighted glances she decided not to goad him by even a glance in his direction.

The walking, sort of talking tree passed behind Bucky followed by the raccoon they called Rocket.

Thor cleared his throat noisily. “It is wonderful to see at least a few us have a family.” he said after a belch. “And with you no less.” his large hand gestured toward Bucky.

Blue eyes almost buried under the pile of tangled and knotted hair stared back at her. Confused, she turned to Bucky to see if he was picking up the conversation. And he was, thick black brows were beginning to narrow.

“I mean to say look at you.” she turned back to him, he smirked friendly toward her. “You’re beautiful, are you from here? This world?” he trailed off.

A small chuckled caught in her throat. But Thor’s words were a warmly welcomed distraction from the miserable ball growing in her stomach.

“She does have the appropriate ratio of calf muscle to thigh muscle. Larger than what I have seen on this planet of stick bodies.” From the other side of the table a flat deep voice spoke. The confusion grew into embarrassed contempt as she studied at the man between herself and Steve.

“Do you know if there is any more of this piatzza with the black circles on it? They are delicious.” Drax stared at her. Little expression passed over his uneven features other than a cursory glance to her hands.

The thin modern table jittered with the swift motion of Bucky standing up. He pointed with his metal arm past Drax to the kitchen. Steve steadied the table with the palm of his hand.

“It’s over there!” he gruffly said. Their eyes met a battle of wills before Drax moved off toward the kitchen.

She shifted in her seat and then turned to address Thor quietly. “I’m from Wakanda.” Her eyes shifted over to Bucky who was now sitting back down.

“Ah yes, a lovely country, good people.” He added with a glint in his eye and put the beer back to his mouth.


	18. Black Cherry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Angst, dubious consent, non-consensual: And if you've been reading this far ( Thank you btw) you know this dark!Steve is fucked. I'm really sorry. It's kinda rough.

“She’s asleep.” Bucky’s voice sat warm, thickly in the shell of her ear.

The rough skin of his flesh hand brushed the base of her neck. He was gone all this time, but she remembered. The hot-blooded man that he was had claimed her long before Steve. She fell back perfectly into his kisses. Her full body fit exactly in the place it belonged—within his arms. Their connection was ancient confirmed in another world removed from reality their love was eternal as far as she was concerned.

And it would be, death be damned.

Awenha wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck. She sank into him. How could she have ever thought Bucky rough? With these gentle taking hands? His soft, creamy lips pressed lovingly along the side of her neck and she regretted the thought.

Huddled in the bathroom. The two of them became a mass of hot affections, for one only a day had passed for the other five years.

His lips locked on to the skin at the base of her ear. Desperate mewls came stunted from her lips as his hands deviled over her pants and into her underwear.

He rolled endearments off the tips of his tongue as he stroked her. His voice was dipped in velvet the fuzzy vibrato glided as he spoke. “Doll…sweetheart…so beautiful.” Short gasps and relishing moans followed when she clung to him. Bucky pressed his body against her hips his cock strained under his combat pants. He caressed the already wet skin of her cunt. “You miss me, baby?”

The flush of slick coated his fingers. She managed a short bursts of nods as wanton hips road his fingers.

He rolled down the pants over the curve of her ass. “Were you sad doll?” he asked. She managed a feeble yes in return.

“Let me fix it.”

A knock from the door shattered their heavy petting. Awenha looked at the glass door to see a small shadow on the other side of it. “I have to pee. And I need a drink.” She announced. “Are you both in there?”

“I keep forgetting she’s six.” said Bucky in a shallow deep voice.

Awenha pulled her pants back up and placed her shuffled clothing in order.

“I’ll go get the drink.” said then kissed Bucky on his thick beard as she walked out.

Tony’s home or rather his stay over house was nothing short of marvelous. Awenha’s eyes looked around freely absorbing the differences in this place and the family cabin in the woods.

She was considering the decadence of the steel at the boarders of the walls when a shadow crossed her peripheral. Faster than she could think, her body was propelled forward and then to the right as darkness flooded her sight.

Steve unwinded his hold around her waist pushing her into the room. He rounded on her, close and hedonistic in his grip Awenha pushed back against them until he let her go.

“You won’t even _look_ at me Awenha.” he tossed out, hot and angrily.

Awenha scooted out of his reach. “You think I’m the bad guy?” he asked.

Her voice shook with the hard beat of her heart. “No. no you’re not.” she panted.

“But I love Bucky.” she said and there in the dark room his American boy mask slipped away. “I always have.” Steve flung his head back and laughed at her.

Scared she moved toward the door but he only had to side step to get between her and the escape.

Awenha tried to push her way passed him. She jabbed with her first towards his head. Tried to move him by grabbing his thin utility shirt to no avail. He was so much bigger than her. She was tall but compared to Steve he imposed his height and weight on her and over her.

“Get out of the way Steve.” she sneered. He held her by the arms and then the wrists as she pulled down and away from him. “I’ll scream.” she started to shout. Steve jerked her hard, snapped her head back with the force of his pull.

He smelled of sweat and brown liquor. “Do it and I’ll bash your teeth in.” he threatened.

Steve had done terrible things. Off her head she could think of only a few times he had lightly threatened bodily harm. But not this. The malevolence dripped from his words in a fashion that left little room for doubt.

The energy in the room changed. Fear, real fear began to flood into her mind. Awenha jerked her body back but his grip around her arms painfully squeezed. His breath added to the heat of face as he leaned in to kiss her.

Awenha shook her head and in doing so pissed him off.

“Steve I’m pregnant.” she barreled out in hopes those words could reach him.

He pushed her so hard away from him she turned. “I didn’t choose you to be the mother of my children for nothing.” he clipped off hateful, prideful.

“But there has to be a limit. You can’t keep breaking my heart.”

Steve grabbed her from behind, picked her up walked her to the edge of the bed and folded her over it with enough force to knock her head against the mattress. The thick fabric of his combat pants snagged against her pants. He pressed in his thighs, she could feel the hardness of his cock brush against her.

The scrap of his short nails across the bare skin of her ass shook her from the daze. He jerked her pants down roughly to her knees.

“I’m not the bad guy here. But I can be.” he said bitterly. His fingers dug into her folds. “Was this for Bucky?” he chided in a thick lustful voice and plunged his fingers deep inside her.

Awenha pushed the weight of her body back up. “Steve…” she started to sob. Her body pushed back against him, ramming his fingers deeper but she gained footing to try to step away.

Steve wasted no time, he grabbed her by the back of her head. He yanked her head back down to the bed and held her there. On her smooth bare skin he hit her. The slap was hard, penetrating. A silent scream pulled down her face. He followed it with another. And another. All of them were just as hard just as intently placed to keep that dull ache there.

She opened her eyes. The silhouette of Steve’s rip cord muscles pulled taut at the hand that held her down. “Black cherry…” he muttered then hit her again this time taking off of her toes and her eyes shut with the pain sweeping over her.

Violently he stuffed three fingers back in. “Now this is for me.” he growled.

His voice filtered down to her. It was deep, like it came from his heart. Passed the burning pain of her ass vaguely the sound of his zipper registered. He sank into her. Her thick wetness covered him and dripped around his balls. He didn’t waste any time. He hitched up the fat of her hips and fucked fast, brutally pounded himself over and over. Steve’s eyes rolled in his head at the squeeze of her cunt. The thought of her denying this..this connection, Steve looked down at her. She was putty, a mess of his making and she was cumming all over his cock.

He was close. Hot from the struggle he twisted one of her arms behind her back. She was crying, he could have sworn he could smell them. It hardened the tip of his cock as pounded her with pointed harder thrusts. The gutted, hurt filled mumbles of his name from her lips made him cum harder than he had in a week.

Steve took a step back from her. He folded himself back into his pants. He didn’t help her, there was little in him at the moment that wanted to.

She pulled her pants up, then stood and when she took a step tripped over his boots. He wrapped his arms around her it was a chance to see her face.

Terrified brown eyes locked eyes with him. “Go.” said Steve softly and pushed her away from him. Shock from what he had done to her kept her there. Watching anger, sadness, and shame switch in his eyes. He stepped back up to her, nudged her back again. “Go.” he said, his voice pulled down into sorrow.

“And make sure you tell him I broke you.”

She stood there shocked.

“Go!” he growled.

* * *

Footfalls scurried and crushed dead leaves under their steps. Bucky, Steve and Azie had arrived back at Tony’s hideaway with fresh clothes for the day to come.

Azie hugged Steve and walked from them with two bags hung low and scraping the ground to find her mother. Bucky’s eyes stayed on the back of his daughter to ensure she made it inside successfully before he turned to Steve.

“Thanks for looking out for my little girl.” Bucky began, he tried to sound grateful about it but the words only came out lukewarm. “She already loves you.”

Steve and Bucky walked around the back of the house. The space group strode in the distance toward their ship. Bucky’s eyes lingered on the blue woman and Rocket as they entered the ship. He stuffed his hands in the pocket of his jacket and tried not to think to hard about Steve with his family.

But it was a slippery slope before long he was already thinking of the negative. “I’m like a figment of her imagination.” said Bucky. “It’s been five years and for me it was a few seconds. I don’t like how this feels Steve.”

Steve suddenly stopped near the steps leading up to the sleek porch. “You were gone. They were taken care of Bucky. There’s no need to feel guilty.” said Steve.

Bucky was sure it was not the guilt of being absent that bristled his mood.

“Azie remembers you pal.” added Steve, he turned his head up to the porch. Bucky followed his eyes to Awenha who stood dressed in lavender. She held a cup to her mouth as she looked out on to the forest.

Bucky’s eyes shifted back to Steve. He wanted to tell him that of course his daughter would remember him. He was her father, Awenha would never let Azie forget him or who he was in his soul. She wasn’t like the rest of the world she got him. She knew him at his core.

Then the appeal of her became apparent to Bucky. Awenha’s sincere tidal wave of compassion could wash away the muck of pain from most sad sacks. Quiet, and deep she rarely cut those off who needed her, truly needed her and her unique energy.

Bucky watched Steve. It happened within the span of a few breaths that became ragged from the hard hitting bang of his heart. Bucky saw Steve’s eyes roam all over her body, his expression friendly, open it shifted with the downward tilt of his head, the familiar darkening of his eyes became apparent.

Bucky could only describe it as a man lost in want. His eyes slide back to Awenha. Every part, every pore of his body screamed that there had to be more.

The stinginess of his love triggered and with it an onslaught of suggestive images rolled around in his mind. She was his. Steve knew that.

He dropped his eyes down and away, disgusted at the thoughts he was having.

Maybe it was just a kiss. Perhaps it bothered him more to think they shared a few late nights of deep conversation. Either way the unknown was eating at his sense of security.

“Don’t worry.” said Steve, encouragingly. But it might as well been a one way ticket to paranoia hell. Because now all he could think about was them.


	19. Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *angst

_Oct 2023_

Awenha walked from the parked cars. Azie’s special tablet in one and worry in the other she strode toward the Stark cabin with a heavyweight within her. Along with the dull ache across the width of her ass, herself esteem had taken the hardest hit.

Lying to Bucky, keeping anything from Bucky was cracked and went against the relationship they had built. She had not let him touch after the return back to the room. Fear of his reaction, and the pain of his voice would have been too much after what Steve did.

A shiver shot up along both sides of her back when Steve intercepted her on the porch. He was not close. But it was enough that his hand sat close to her arm on the rail as a gentle reminder that he would take her space if need be.

“Did you tell him?” asked Steve, his voice low the tone crawled up her skin. She did not look at him instead simply shook her head. “You should. You really should tell him, honey.”

Awenha side stepped him on her way around, but he hooked a strong hand on her upper arm. She jerked her head back up at him with a noticeable flinch in her body.

Steve glanced ahead, ignoring her fear, he looked at the surroundings of the forest. “Last night—that was on you.” he said smoothly. Steve slowly turned his head and stared at her. “And I’d do it again until you realized who you belonged to.”

Awenha jerked her arm out of his hold. He was not stupid, making a scene right here on this day was a foolish thing to do.

Shaken by his words and with the pain in her legs to remind her of his threat, she walked stiffly back into the cabin. Brown eyes glanced around the small space until they fell on Bucky. He was standing near the table but stared at the window. Her eyes shifted to an area outside to see Steve walking away. It was then she knew, could feel it in her gut along with the large bundle of nerves that Bucky had seen what transpired.

He put his metal hand above her on the glass of the study. “What the hell was that?” he heatedly asked, the resentment began to gnaw at him.

“Steve…he-we..” she swallowed, her thoughts became consumed by stress of the moment words simply failed her.

“Are you with him?” Awenha shook her head. Bucky saw the pain begin to slide over her features. His hand gathered her upper arms as he leaned down to her face. “What’s going on? _Talk_ to me.” he begged.

Nervous and with hope quickly draining out of her she shifted her gaze. “Steve.” she whispered then wide alarmed eyes looked back up at Bucky.

“He was there for us.” she said as Bucky turned his head, like he was bracing himself for the worst.

His brows grew together in irritation as he spoke. “That son of a bitch.” he said indignantly.

She thought he was pulling away from her heart. Awenha’s hand nervously shook as she caressed his chest. “Bucky” she said softly, and it was enough to bring his focus back to her.

“Please, I need you to believe me. After everybody disappeared, it was different. The world—everything was thrown off. Steve started coming around more, I thought it was great for Azie. For me too, I was grateful for a friend that knew you. He reminded me of you at first—But he’s..there’s something wrong in him.”

Bucky listened to her closely but his emotions unsteadily tipped toward possessiveness. 

“Did he–“ Bucky tried to speak passed the small vengeful voice inside his head. He got closer to her then, hovering –not wanting to miss one clue. He put his hands on both sides of her face bringing her almost to his lips. Her tears were proof enough. Steve’s done it, he thought and the tiny wall holding the anger at bay came crashing down. His hands fell from her face. Heat began to creep from his chest in to his throat. A terrible ache of his chest felt like he was going to cave in upon himself.

He kissed her cheek. A promise to her for better times. A desperate plea that it will be okay. Awenha’s hands moved up from his chest to his throat then to his face. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. Bruised blue eyes were already pointed passed her through the glass. He was searching. Scanning what little parts of the porch he could catch in his eye and to the yard beyond for Steve.

Bucky pulled her hands off him. “Don’t. Bucky…” she asked quietly, tearfully tried to stop him again. “Let’s just leave..”

The pain in her voice drew him back to her. “Take Azie, go to the car. Wait for me.” said Bucky then stepped around her to go find Steve.

Bucky stalked toward Steve. He was there talking to James Rhodes, his light hearted smile flashed across his strong lined jaw. Salt of the earth, Americas Boy, Captain America—Bucky’s anger clipped off then broke off inside him. Damn, phony.

Steve had taken her. Skinny kid from his neighborhood, his supposed best friend had taken the woman he loved and played with her soul.

Steve’s eyes shifted to Bucky’s and that the shadow of his mood hung in his eyes as he headed straight for him. Behind him, Steve saw Awenha and Azie headed toward the rows of parked cars. He turned to Rhodes, gave him an excuse and a curt nod then walked off toward the lake.

Bucky’s steps hit hard at first. Steve could hear them come stomping up behind him.

Bucky bore a hole in Steve’s back. Bound by friendship he decided to give him the benefit of doubt. “Why her?” he called out, his voice louder and more strained than he liked. He came bouncing up to him. His steps turned light and agile like the fear he had seen in her eyes—smooth and numb to the ground of her spirit.

To hell with it, Bucky thought, Steve deserved every bit of his spite.

Steve stopped near the lake. Bucky ripped over the cobble stones toward him. Bucky was beyond the aloof zen he had achieved and jumped right into anger. He shoved Steve forward by the shoulder. “Couldn’t you’ve just left her alone?” Steve turned, his face was growing grave. “You’ve always been thick—but this shit..”

Steve buried his hands deep in his pockets and innocence lingered in his voice when he spoke. “I’ve got problems, Buck-“

“Bullshit Steve,” Bucky scoffed, rolled back on his heels away from Steve in an attempt to keep his rage level low. “Problems? What are you talking about?” he jerked his metal hand back to the cabin. “We’ve all got fucking problems Steve. That doesn’t make you fuckin’ special.”

Steve paced back, his eyes suddenly shifted to clear contempt.

“You put your fucking hands on her. HER!” shouted Bucky his eyes redden with forming tears.

Steve nodded his head to the side with cool indifference. “I took care of her.” he said flatly.

The silent tears from her eyes flooded into his memories again. “You’re sick!” Bucky barked back.

“Sick?” Steve shifted his weight a move that only prodded at Bucky’s mood. “What about you? Did you stop after treatment? I’ve seen her—heard her voice when she spoke about you. What did _you_ do?”

Bucky shook his head. Trying to keep his composure he could only stare at Steve with disbelief. “You know what. You’re amazing. Fuckin’ precious.” he began to pace as he spoke and the anger filled him up to his ears. “Only you can skip right over the fucking point and redirect it like it’s my fault.”

Steve just stared back at Bucky, his eyes rocked back and forth with Bucky’s form in a tepid glare. Caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It was the same stupid oversized indifference Steve used time and time again. It happened when they were kids. It happened with the women he had terrorized. And now it was happening with his girl.

Never in a million years would he have thought that Steve, his best friend, would have it in him to try it with his wife. Dead or not. The pain in his chest was pure, a visceral reaction to betrayal and it had Bucky becoming unhinged. He stopped pacing, stepped to Steve’s side and cut his eyes at him. “You’re jealous.” he said in a deep voice.

“You’ve never had the balls to step away from where you’re not wanted.” he provoked.

Steve put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Immediately Bucky tensed.

A squinty smile spread across his face. “You were gone. It wasn’t anything she wasn’t use to already.” said Steve.

His heart shot up into his throat. Red, he saw a crimson flash like his anger manifested right over the mid-day sun shining over Steve’s perfect face.

“Take your hand off me.” snarled Bucky, as he envisaged himself beating the hell out of Steve.

Steve dropped his hand took a few steps back.

“You’re returning the stones today?” Bucky asked, malice hung on his every word.

“Ya.” said Steve in a cold voice.

Bucky irately glanced out over the dark sparkling water of the lake. Seeing it but not really caring. “Why don’t you stay there.” he said and turned back toward Steve, his tongue licked his lips for what was to come. “In the past, stay there. That’s where you belong. Fucking die there.”

Everything he had learned about anger was working over time. This couldn’t happen here, not right now. But one day, he promised himself. That Steve would pay. Bucky began to storm off. His heart thundered in his chest, white hot streaks of hate filled his vision. He stomped up the cobble and mix of dirt and sand. He thought about what little Awenha managed to tell him and it only made her neglect more real.

“Did she tell you she’s pregnant?” Steve’s voice stopped him in his tracks. The grief that possessed him had subdued the rage. But now, the bitter voice of Steve propelled him into fury. “That’s my kid in there.” he added.

Bucky spun around, with his heart in his ears he ran back toward Steve.

He didn’t move. Steve barely shifted his center of gravity as he let Bucky grab him up by his lapel. Bucky knocked Steve’s head back with a blow that poured blood from his mouth. Steve, quick with defense, deflected the second strike. 

Bucky stumbled back with a skid. Hate filled and dangerous Bucky rode the storm of his fury. He dodged the hit to his head, came back up with his metal fist and upper-cut Steve across his chin with such force it knocked him on his back.

Bucky stood over him. “I could kill you.” he said as he pointed with a metal finger. The base in his voice, the distant run-a-way wrath in his eyes Steve knew he meant it.

“Wouldn’t matter though—you’re already dead inside.” Bucky cursed.

* * *

Bucky only wanted her. Warmly, affectionately his hands ran over the rise of her hip.

She was his beauty.

Delicately he placed kisses there, on the bruised brown skin of her thigh.

He should have killed Steve. Bucky considered as he placed another kiss upon the tender skin. But he could not think about that now. Not when she lay here for him. She had cried for forgiveness. For him, her actions only looked like the desperate flailing of a person near drowning. He was proud of her. When it looked like no one could save her, she had saved herself by never giving up.

She cried when he touched her. The sight of it turned his stomach.

He was so soft with her. Gentler than he had ever been in the past, he suppressed his wicked intentions for another day. His girl needed him.

Bucky held her all through the night. She craved his skin and would not let him go. And he was content with being enveloped in the warmth of her shallow breaths across his chest. He stayed awake mostly. Fits of sleep took him for a few hours only to awake with the sadness she had endured.

It was late enough in the morning for the beginning rays of sun to fill the room with a blush. Bucky laid there in thought. She awoke, two luscious brown eyes fluttered open. She stroked the now smooth skin of his jaw and brought him into her kiss. Bucky lived for her. He wanted her now more than ever. “Fill me. Make him not be in me anymore, Bucky—please love me again.”

It hurt him to hear her say these words.

“Don’t say that doll.” his metal hand grazed over her clavicle kissed it then nuzzled into her cheek.

He pulled her into him. “Sweetheart, I’ll love you forever.”

Azie’s high voice echoed from the entry way and into their room. Bucky kissed Awenha’s lips hard, lovingly before getting out of bed.

Breakfast was on the schedule rather than the love making Bucky had wanted. He wanted to take his time, anyway. Really remind her. The kind of love that could only be done with more time. His eyes moved to her as she slid on a light thin blue robe. Bucky pulled on some sweats and walked out of the room followed closely by Awenha.

She put her arms around him from behind, wrapped herself against his back as they walked down the hall. “Pancakes sound good.” said Awenha lightly and played with the band of his sweats.

Into the kitchen Bucky stopped in front of her. She thought he was being silly, or perhaps Azie was up to her elbows in a mess so she stepped from behind him. “Buc-“ her voice disappeared.

A bag, a large military duffle landed on the dining table with a thud.

“Oh! Sleepovers are so exciting!” said Azie and ran around the table.

“It is sweetie.” said Steve his eyes rose from Azie’s form as she threw her arms around his waist.

He looked at Awenha and then to Bucky. He felt satisfied by the disoriented expression on Bucky’s face.

Steve’s pink lips cracked into a smile. “Looks like we’re just going to be one big happy family.” said Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and spending time with my work. I truly appreciate it! <3


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